To the end...

All prepared for the worst... its no longer counting down months, weeks... now we gotta face the fact that every single day or hour is a bonus. Everything has been arranged and it really pains me to see how my grandma is suffering so much... sooo much that i feel that it's the breaking point.

I am really upset to the point that i can't express how i really feel anymore. This is v.testing...to the extent of tearing that strong independent facade of mine. Its pressurising...imagine each time u receive a phone call or msg from hm...u wonder whats next. All i can do is to pray that she will go off comfortably... i will try to accept the fact. Actually, the most worrying thg is my dearest dad, i am just v.afraid that he might not be able to take the blow. This is the first time i witness the fragile and extremely vulnerable side of the beloved hero in my eyes. It hurts... but theres nothing much we can do about it.

Its the cycle of life... but too cruel for me to face or rather i'm not tough enough to live up to it.

-THAT SLUT SECTION-
On another note...i have a v.bubbly personality and i do not deny that i do get along pretty well with the people around me quite quickly. I guess this is the time when one tends to draw jealousy. It doesn't hurt me that much to unexpectedly realise a person that looked meek and all smiley to be a backstabber and an ultimate fucking bitch. Sorry for being too vulgur. But i am fed up. If u are jealous of not getting any attention, u only have yourself to blame for not living up to the mark. Bring it on man instead of being a sour grapes all the time. If u have something to criticise, i had rather u speak right into my face than be a little coward and be stupid enough not to realise that i am not dumb afterall. I am utterly disgusted. Its really oxymoron. How can u say u hate hypocrites and backstabbers and bitchers in that pathetic cliche profile of urs, when you are pointing the finger at yourself. what a joke..Well, the fact that i can make this particular bitch jealous shows that i must be someone capable and worth looking up to as a competitor. But i am really sorry to say that you are totally OUT OF MY LEAGUE. so pls do stare right into your mirror and do some self-reflection...i pray that it will be successful in case ur poor mirror cracks the moment u look into it. Well... for everything you are unhappy about... thats because u lack it and i HAVE IT. so continue crawling... or maybe u dun even have to TRY. NExt Please.

I am in a terrible mood now. And i promise i can be more vulgur than this. TRY ME man. I wun be surprise that u will die a VIRGIN.

Anyway... SLUT DUMBED aside...

I went out with him on fri for a movie. He surprised me with Royce champagne chocolates and we went for dinner and movie. Hmn. a very sweet person. But wat is that thing thats missing... or maybe i havent given us a chance. Or perhaps, my invisible expectations are working against me again. He's charming for his masculinity n the fact that he's down-to-earth, sincere and caring. But is it the attention that i appreciate or perhaps chemistry isnt there yet? He's definitely bf material.... but one thg, i am not merely looking for a bf. If really so, i would have been attached some time ago. Maybe i think too much... but the thgs happening around me really nutures me into a different person...

Guess studies,family and frens first... the rest i will leave it naturally. If it happens, so be it...