Hmmn... have been wanting to blog some time back. Just simply couldn't find the time to. yup yup.

okie... i have been reading through my past entries. 113 entries. It's only coming to the end of 2 yrs and so many things have changed overnite. When lovers turn to strangers, when acquaintances becomes close n special friends. Simply unblieveable. I have gone through so much... so intensive that i felt that time had flew past faster than the past 16 yrs of life b4 that. Years in my JC life have been really a sweet yet extremely testing one. In other words, challenging. A period of my teenagehood that i have a deep impression on. Or rather, since fz has got superb memory in this 'sentimental' area... she remembers everything that she has gone through. haha. not too good for ur mental health at times... but remembering doesn't = to holding on yeah. It probably means remembering the lessons u have learnt and the kind of exposure u had undergone. I have jus begun to see the heartless side of human nature. I have woken up from my lala land that all man are kind by nature. But that's not too bad afterall. For i can prove to myself that i am not that weak afterall.

Sometimes, I wonder if we were to turn back time, how would things develop into? Would things change if different choices or decisions were made to cross the path of another person's life instead? But ultimately... there's no pt anyway. We can only accept and adapt to changes. This is the true lesson i had mature on and had already moved on to another stage of my life. A different set of perspective i adopt... a brand new me.

I used to qns and ask why if all these are happening to me. In the first place, is this what i really deserve? Hmn... i know that this is an inappropriate qns. Anyway, for things tt i do, i do not expect a return... all i hope is that i won't be intentinally hurt by another... for i (once) did loved truely BEFORE. Maybe life is unfair?! But once again... it's probably a blessing in disguise. For when u loss something, u gain something. i once did my best, and have no regrets. Fate take its natural course and each of our destiny is not within the control of our hands. Yes, you may argue that u take charge of ur own life. However, if u are more down-to earth, can it really happen? Sometimes the sudden change in ur thinking and mindset simply evolves w/o u even acknowledging it.

At times, i wish unrealistically that time would stop at all happy moments forever. But the truth is that all of us will have to grow old. Eventually, we have to taste the sweetness and bitterness of life. As they always say, u only see the rainbow after the rain.

Something that a special one of mine told me... something i was extremely touched... something that i had never realised b4. He said, "w/o tasting sadness, u can never define true happiness." Seriously, dun u think it's true? There are times when we have to give up totally. At least for me. But i'm glad for the fact that i took some time in the past... for this proves to show that I'm humane. To hold back will only stop the clock in u from ticking. When people or life turn their back on u... ever more u have to stand tall and be strong to take the blow. Endurance it is. Most importantly, is that u have managed to unveil a person before it's too late. We have the courage to take whatever that comes. However, no matter what, ill feelings are definitely inevitable.If apologies and guilt comes and goes so easily, then i believe there will be many more ppl making mistakes in this world... Once done it's done. Certain things are simply irreversible. On the other hand, although no man is perfect, i do not go by the faith of forgetting and learning to forgive if the wound was being inflicted intentionally. Now i wanna say something, some think that love may be a tried and tested thing, but u never make promises and play with someone's feelings. That's worse than hurting someone physically. Always remember that when u hurt someone, it will hurt u more eventually. It all depends on how long before u can find ur lost consicence. yup yup... (haha. I think i should take up counselling and write a management bk.)

I thank God for the short and beautiful chapter of these 2 yrs in my life. ALthough there were heartbreaks in the past... but i have made many genuine friends from the beginning till now. Some as close as my kins. And i have just tasted life. I had only started to lift up my pen to leave deeper traces in other ppl's life. And if u all realised, my blog entries... usually reflective ones are always revolved around love. Cos i believe that love is the main source that develops friendship, kinship and of course BGR. I am glad that i have the gift to be able love the ppl around me. And that's of course with reference to the friends around me whom i call true. I love to pamper the friends around me. i appreciate for all they have done.. definiely beyond words. All it takes is for u to be there for me once, and i'll always be there for u. I treat every person i treasure around me with true feelings. And of course we always make the effort to keep our r/s going. On the other hand, it just takes 1 betrayal to turn everything sour... Perhaps it all depends on how damaged the r/s is...

With new ppl walking into my life, each day keeps getting better. With them, i have a reason to smile. With them, i have the motivation to love and perhaps learn to accept theirs as well. I will follow my heart. Perhaps to be treasured is something more fortuante than to treasure. On the other hand, u must learn to treasure before it can be reciprocated. contradiciting ya? Anyway life is filled with contradictions. The recipe is that... to feel loved, love. (sad to say... the only love some ppl possess is self-love. that's insufficient when it becomes overwhelming. it leads to self-centredness and u end up choosing to sacrifice everything and ending up considering about ur own welfare only... a ruthless way of hurting the ppl around u.) When u learn how to love, ultimately u will be able to enjoy the true essence of it. *always remember that u may mean a world to another*

A person who claims to be able to take things up easily and to put it down easily as well( hen(3) rong(2) yi(4) na(2) de(2) qi(3) fang(4) de(4) xia(4)) is perhaps not one tat is trying to be optimistic. Instead, it is an irresponsible and immature way of handling things. Just brushing it aside by 'abusing' this chinese phrase. Maturity comes from within. It comes from the way u handle ur life and not simply by words of the mouth. We dun pay a lip service to claim that we are mature. It can only be really reflected in times of problems and crisis. A person who has his own mind is not easily swayed by the things ppl tell him. So dun claim that one have ur own mind when one is so easily influenced... But this also ultimately proves how much u love the person. If the love was strong enough, nothing could break it's barriers. He should be sure of what he wants right from the beginning since he commits and external suggestions are not needed to second his opinion.

Hmm... whatever it is.. i'm glad that it's all over. I was simply too nice... and it's time i had learn to protect myself. Well... to me... everyday's a living will. haha. crazy as u may think? But i dun mind telling the friends and family around me that i love them everyday. COs life is unpredictable and i have truely understand how unexpected things can get...yupz.

SOmetimes i wonder, is it heart over mind? or mind over heart? does it hurt more to go against ur heart or mind? How i wished they can coordinate at times. haha. dun u agree? HUman beings feel vex half the time because we are simply too fickle minded.

*To u, :) ...(although u may not see this since u do not have my add.)
Thanks for being always there for me. For standing by me whenever i'm down. For being my listener. For being my pillar of support. For the company and all. Oh yah.. and for introducing our fav. song... haha. cos we love it's catchy tune yeah? Well... for everything that have brighten up my days. =)

Oh yah.. needless to say, also my hao jie mei aka karin.beloved... one of the important friends i will definitely treasure n never forget for all she have done always.
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Well... back to my normal life. My back have been hurting like hell. I think mummy's gonna bring me for acupuncture real soon. It has been hurt for about 2 weeks already. aw... super pain.

Anyway, i went to Reds on Fri and after that went shopping with mummy! haha. mummy must be in a super good mood. I bought 7 pieces of clothing!!! haha. To the extent that we were the last customers of that shopping mall. Can u believe how hilarious it is?! We actually had the security guard to escort us to level 1 to make our payment since the counter at 2nd floor was already closed. haha. And there were workers lining up along escalators greeting us and thanking us for visiting e mall. haha. it was so funny lah... i felt like a millionaire for once. haha. We spent a bomb there that i was entittled to a VIP card for JOOP. haha.

Woo...i bought 1 purple tube, 1 pink lacy halter neck, 1 black off-shoulder with tiny polka-dotz prints, 1 black stylish blouse, 1 mini lacey skirt and 2 coats! haha.i must have gone bonkers. Okie... and ystd my friends bought me a pair of sweet white heels! haha. Love them! thks yeah... muack!

okie... i know i shouldn't be shopping now. But it just happens coincidentally alright.haha. anyway, gotta ciao... take gd care guys. Remember health is important! dun end up like fz... haha. And take precautions to keep the mozzies away ya.

Oh... i think i will still have to go for blood tests again after the A's. Argh. i am degenerating... wahaha. Whatever lah. Just wanna concentrate now and take whatever that comes. I am stressed! and yesh i miss u guys too as well...
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Before I Fall In Love- cOcO Lee

[Verse 1:]
My heart says we've got something real
Can I trust the way I feel
Cuz my heart's been through it before
Am I'm just seeing what I want to see
Or is it true
Could you really be

[Chorus:]
Someone to have and hold
With all my heart and soul
I need to know
Before I fall in love
Someone who'll stay around
(Who warns) my ups and downs
So tell me now
Before I fall in love

[Verse 2:]
And I'm at the point of no return
So afraid of getting burned
But I wanna take a chance
Oh please
Give me a reason to believe
Say you're the one that you'll always be

Someone to have and hold
With all my heart and soul
I need to know
Before I fall in love
Someone who'll stay around
(Who warns) my ups and downs
So tell me now
Before I fall in love

[Bridge:]
It's been so hard for me
To give my heart away
But I would give my everything
Just to hear you say...

Someone to have and hold
With all my heart and soul
I need to know
Before I fall in love
Someone who'll stay around
(Who warns) my ups and downs
So tell me now
Before I fall in love


One of my current all time fav.song...