a kid no more.

hmmn... the damn computer ruin my last entry. argh. forget it... anyway i was just busy rattling then. Well... have been pretty stressed up by work n other stuff lately. Busy as i always say... but perhaps it's the pms period that is causing my mood to swing like crazy. Yup... just recovered from my gastric flu. Apparently, i vomitted a few days back. yah... hah. not sure if it's good or bad. good that i feel lighter.. as if i felt skinnier.. haha.. bad, cause it's as though my internal organs were falling out as i was into those convulsions. bleah. sux.

Anyway, it was valentines day on tues... yeah. =) The day started off peaceful n smooth-sailing in a way. I didn't had any plans in mind, neither to entertain any dates. haha. Well... was in a pretty good mood... received chocolates frm some ppl n also a lovely pink heart-shape pouch from aly. =) love it yeah. n last but not least, i received a v.sweet n pleasant suprise from ron. He met me outside my house after work n passed me a bouquet of rose. yup.. haha. it was pretty awkward... but i'm v.touched yeah. thks boy. Hmn... since i promised the guys... so i was treated for a midnite movie by daryl. yah. double-dating. hhaa. apparently i was caught by Leslie... who told beloved about it. ahem~ haha. oh well... i dun have any intentions to step into 2 boats at one time. hehe. =X aw... dun be crazy. did i mention that 'walk the line' is the 6th movie i watched in 2weeks. haha.

Well... on thursday was ber n pq.dar's bday! Happy Birthday gals! may u all con't to bloom into hot babes n mature, sophisticated young ladies yeah! muackz! love u all! sarang heyo~ (btw, ur gifts from jc.dear n i are still with me) =)

okkk... went to town with aly yesterday. Did some shopping n all. After that met my special friend n headed for our expedition 2! FINALLY! hehe. miss everything man. definitely fun n exciting! =) so happy to have his company... so many stuff to catch up about. hee. looking forward to expedition 3 baby~ haha.

yah.. apparently i must stop being so bitchy. haha. i think i am getting from bad to worse... aw... who cares anyway~ haha. yup... i have been thinking alot. i am thrown into a whirl of thoughts, emotions, exposure n everythg... i realised alot of things about the ppl around me. To sum up... everythg's changing. It's not gonna be the same. i know it can never be.

Through my job.. i deal with all types of ppl everyday. i learn to observe the different characteristics of human nature. haiz...

*10 mins past

And i still can't put down all my thougts properly into words... somehow i feel restricted expressing myself here at times. if only i could understand myself better. if only there was a mould that only belongs to me. if only i was like b4... the innocent, naive me. if only i could have more time for myself. Having time with yourself is crucial... it gives me the space to reflect n all. Now, my life is just about work, back home... going out all e time...attending to appointments, clubbing, parties. Yesh... it's fun... somethg that i couldn't ask for more when i was schooling. I can safely say that i am granted all the freedom i want. Even if i stay out all nite n only return home the next morning... my parents do trust that i am capable of being responsible for myself. However... with all this freedom, it is also an indication that it's time i am taking charge of my life. No longer spoon-fed...deciding what's best for myself. A kid no more.

Well... for those who know me well... i am a girl who thinks alot. i dun take things just surfacely. However, i realised that sometimes it's a bad thing to read too deeply into issues. Maybe i should just accept certain changes the way it is. It's useless to ponder over matters that r simply out of our control... or should i say.. i dun even wanna make the effort. i am tired. Tired of the many compliments n praises i receive almost daily, tired of ppl telling me what i should do, tired of rumours, tired of being too image-conscious, tired of being admired at...(AS IF i am having a purr-fect life... AS IF i am the purr-fect gal for u... AS IF i have everythg i wanted...etc.), tired of town, tired of a life whereby i dun always get to meet my dearest ones..., tired of a life that i have to bottle up my feelings no matter how bad my day can be, tired of not being able to be always there for u, tired of all the lust n flirts that revolves around... etc. yah. But glad for the fact that i have my friends to fall back on whenever i am down n to also share my simple joy. Lately... all i want is to lead a simple life. =)

I realised somethg... maybe dating is better than a r/s. At least there's no commitment, at least there's more freedom, at least i wun be tied down for the time being, at least i am left with alternatives, at least it will be less emotionally drainning...Yup.Cause love is blind. trust me.. love is really blind. Love will turn all his short-comings into his strengths. And as for me... i am caught in a whirl lately. Maybe it's just myself... i have no comments regarding 'jie-de lian' for other ppl around me... but one thg is that i cant bring myself to go into a r/s with someone younger than me. as in a year younger. They maybe more caring towards ur needs... but ultimately i need a mature n secure shoulder. Somehow, younger guys are still boyish in their own ways... they are still a little childish in their thinking wise.oh well... let's be more realistic... our expectations do always change. yah.

hmn... as for my future, i may consider taking up a job as an air stewardess for a few years after uni.. before going into a job regarding public relations, hotel management or even business. Well.. shall see how it goes yeah. ok.. when i was young, i have taken up chinese dance n even ballet at the dance school for a yr or so. Hmn...unfortunately, i gave up both half way. yup... lately, i am into e latest interest of taking up modern dance. i think i am gonna find a school n sign up soon. Hopefully i will be able to juggle my work, driving lessons n everythg all together. haha. it sounds as if i am a superwomen. yah. i know i have neglected my health. hah. But i wanna pursue my interests for now... since i have all the youth to do so yeah. no regrets rememeber? hee. And one thing... i only strive to move forward...the past was n is never an issue. =)


Am i in love again? i can't answer this qns. i realised that when u love a person, there's not a need to be with him. There's not a need to meet as often.. because distance makes the heart fonder. Really. Just enjoying the company is precious enough. At times, so near yet so far. Ultimately... alot of things are unpredictable... maybe it's best for things to stay the way it is. At least.. u wun risk losing a close one...

this blog is so dead... i will try to blog more often k. pls tag guys! haha.