Life is like toilet paper... the more u unroll it, the faster it gets to the end. Fragile, soft n delicate as it may seem... it's full of purpose. Isn't it?
Most of the time, i feel that my life is filled with plenty of contradictions. At times, i dislike myself for being too open.. for i'm just afraid that the ppl around are unable to adapt to this big jump from the fz they used to know. Sometimes, i love being the way i am... just shooting on every single thing i see n feel around me. At times i just want to be a pampered spoilt brat or an attention seeker when i am with my friends or i can choose to be an understanding n compromising young lady when i am serious... in a matter of fact, it all lies in the choice i make.
In school n at my workplace, i can be a responsible leader n a co-operative colleague. In clubs, u probably would never know me. Lustful n flirtatious...throwing everything aside n engaging into the sensual side in me that i may normally be less expressive about. I am gonna state this over-rated line, "Work hard, Play hard..."
Hmn... as u grow up... u realise alot of things about adulthood. Lust, sex etc. are non taboo words. It becomes a pretty common phase. Many others can just throw off comments like fuck off or bitch on the streets. It's no longer the privillege of the ah lians or ah bengs we usually refer to. Even myself... i do admit that i am pretty daring in using such terms lately. haha. Woo.. not a good habit to pick up. But sometimes u just can't help it aight...*excuses*
Anyway as i mentioned in the earlier entry, perhaps i think that at times, lust is better than love. According to brian in qaf... it gives ya max.pleasure n min. bullshit. It sounds really true. How can u ever define love. That sudden spark of chemistry that's probably insufficient to maintain... whatsmore if u want it to lasts. It's not v.possible. In fact, u have to go through alot of pain n trouble. Ultimately, marriage is not the one that will tie a couple together. Cos they can always separate n divorce ya. Some ppl say that only on ur death bed.. then u will find out the real one for u. Perhaps i have gotta agree.
Well.. i may sound pessismistic above... not as if i dun entirely believe in love anymore... but i just feel that it's so difficult n tiring. We always start off as friends, then closer buds, then as a couple, then as lovers... the whole process needs hell lot of stamina n courage. At times, u get so confused whether u wanna lead ur own life or u have to integrate into a new world together. There are some sacrifices to make n a price to pay. All these are in exchange for a special companionship or soulmate, the special feeling that ur friends may not be able to give u more. ok... thats about it, b4 i bore u guys with my rattlings which are probably much covered in my many earlier entries, i have covered more than enough about love.
Let's move on to lust. Lust is like vapour... invicibly visible. Just like perfume. A tinge of it will put things in a different light. It can be attractive yet dangerous. u can only use it moderately. It all depends on the situation n atmosphere. Lust is actually not a bad thing... at least i think that it will make u a more interesting person. To me.. every human being possess the ability n the tendency to be lustful.. to be more flirtatious. It depends only on whether the person wanna explore this area in him. One stare, a quick grin, a light brush of ur hair, a slight tilt of ur head, or the way u position urself are all small little actions that will unknowingly contribute to ur killer look. i believe some of us do possess this charm to do so. It's a form of communicating with others, esp. with strangers u first meet. To be honest, i think lust is a beautiful feeling... esp. when it comes naturally. (of course not referring to bitches that seek attention deliberately) hhaha.yupz...
Whenever u feel high n turned on... that's when all these feelings will flow out endlessly. Some ppl are shy to talk about things like sex, blow jobs n whatsnot... when we know that it's happening around us. haha. Not trying to be horny.. although they say i am.. haha... it's apart of our growing process. One night stands may not be encouraged but responsible or protected sex between a couple will bring them to another level. But have u ever wondered.. when u engage into it, how do u ever differentiate it for love or lust. Or perhaps they are a package?
A friend of mine told me that guys normally (maybe just generalising.. so no offence eh) date girls they think are fuckable. arhuh... perhaps it's a challenge or the usual ego stuff for them.*this is for straight peeps...*or maybe for the less straight as well. It's a gd or healthy thing if ur partner is sexual... but it's wrong for gals to think that they r urs to keep FOREVER( dun u just hate this word)after that. Sometimes, i have to believe that guys can really separate lust from love completely. It may sound scary at times... but on the other hand, it's just an alarm that we shouldn't take things too seriously.. In fact, r/s should never be taken too seriously esp. at our age... or else many more will just slit wrist n whatsnot. However, it doesn't also mean that u have to sleep around like a whore with a 'no-one-loves me' label... well... just let things take it's natural course.
well... i will con't with this topic when more tots flow in. So i shall just end this abruptly. All these r feelings experienced b4 or things that heard... so it's time for some of us to wake up yeah.
