Everything revolves around my family now. All i can do is to put in my best n play my role well as a grand daughter. Although she looks fine yet weak now... we all know that its just a matter of time. It hurts me so much to see how heart-broken my dad is. My grandma's deteriorating condition is only dependent on medicine to prolong her life now. Its not a cure. Her kidney is failing with 10% function left... I will try hard to be strong n learn to accept, cos its a part of life.

I couldnt help breaking down each time i receive such bad news... I cannot bear to let her go...

And about him... no matter how hard i try to forget... it doesn't seem to work. Countless self-reminders that he's only a close fren can't seem to extinguish the expectation i have ( knowing that i am in no position to think about it anyway). I just dun know y... i am numb... Received a msg n call from him ystd after a long time...dun seem to be a sweet or especially happy thing anymore. Because i give up. But how come i can't stop thinking about it... Apart from deleting the msgs he sent n not leaving a trace of him around... still... wat is so special about him?

I can't confirm my feelings because i am confused too.

I dun want anything... its enough. (fz's talking to herself)

I need to be alone.