Beaute De Rose

Adieu

2008-11-01T08:38:00.000-07:00

i have SHIFTED. From now on it will be
hhtp://flowertoppings.blogspot.com
see you guys there :)

over and over again.

2008-10-20T21:10:00.000-07:00

sometimes i just feel like crying, y e t it feels like i have lost the tears over the years and unlearned the way to release myself. i just dun know how to let go and be contented anymore.

it's nv enough.
i have come to realised that i'm really a greedy soul.
for success, for love, for friends, for money ( maybe not yet for now), for recognition,
for praises, for beauty, for attention, for lust n the list goes on.

there are so many things on my hand that i feel like breaking down at times. i can't emphasize more on how stressed up i feel. no one knows me better except myself.

i just can't wait for october to end. i can't.

i'm sorry if i start to bore u guys (if any) with all my entries.
i have lost the inspiration n motivation to blog blog blog.
but i am in the midst of setting up a new blog (yes 100% cfm this time, even the blog add has been registered)
i will release the add once i am satisified with the layout n all.

anyway the new blog will be a public one n i guess thats the way it's gonna be. mainly a photoblog n a record of my rants n happiness (?) about life.
yes. pictures will hopefully make up the bulk in order to make up for the lack of it in this blog.
nevertheless i will not close down this one, it will just be kept this way unless blogspot decides to pull a stunt on me.

there will still be private entries though. am thinking on how i can lock them up with those passwords protected html thgy just for certain entries.

anyway, i think i am becoming really long-winded here. thats precisely why i need a new home.
ciao.i'm gone.

you took me right out of the blue

2008-09-22T20:44:00.000-07:00

i wonder if i should continue to lock up this blog. haha. cos it seems like it doesnt matter anymore if i blog anot.

this is just a channel for me to express my emotions or other forms of frustrations. oh well. somehow, i have kinda decided to keep things to myself instead. i will definitely start a whole new blog (for everyone) b4 i fly to Melborne next year because i feel that it is the best way for all of us to stay in touch. I promise that it's gonna be filled with pictures and i'll also be posting it regularly (u bet, i'm the kind that will get homesick easily).

Oh well. i am realllllyyyy extremely excited.

when the hols begin on Nov 1st, i am gonna settle my blogshop business, i will be applying for internship and i may most likely be going to the Philippines. yup. oh, i wanna sign up for Amore too.

By the way, i am undergoing physiotheraphy at sgh because i have a back problem.

In the meanwhile, i really look forward in searching for more content in my life.

it's true that nobody chooses to be single. i must be lying if i say that i do not want a partner in future. The thing is, i see no point in rushing into things. Relationships are complex issues and as i grow older, i realised that i do take many factors into account. Puppy love is a no-no. Chemistry, security, financial stability are practical considerations.

i'm off to sch...dun scratch ur heads upon reading this, i will brb on where it's dangling...

Coach loving

2008-09-15T03:53:00.000-07:00

fz is v.happy with her COACH buys! The heritage collection is just so classic n pretttyyy. :)

u made my day too :)

2008-09-10T18:21:00.000-07:00

i think i am falling for you already. unknowingly.
i wish to see you. i wish to hear from you. i look forward to your msgs.
i want to know more about you.
am i just curious? am i just attention-seeking?
keep it mysterious, so that i will just keep sinking.
yet i dun have confidence if this will last.
for now, i can see myself with you.
however, not forever.

they say that we make a good pair.
i'm unsure.
but for one thing,
i dun wanna get hurt,
n i dun wish for history to repeat itself.

you are un-typical.
you are unassuming.
you provide a sense a security.
you are vulnerable.
n i am afraid of hurting you
as well.

give me a sign.
i don't know if this is

love.

2008-08-09T22:42:00.000-07:00

i'm am so freaking stressed outttt!

i will pull thru i will i will i will -my daily chant-

roars.

forgotten

2008-07-31T04:04:00.000-07:00

she is empty. she has low self-esteem. she needs constant praises to carry on.

who is she living her life for?

for herself they say.

for her family and frens.

for.... period.

2008-07-28T19:54:00.000-07:00

fz is having a crush.

OMG. please tell me that this isn't true. i am too old for such knick-knacks.

ahh. pretend that u didnt hear me.

minus the age. minus the cigarettes. plus the universal-brain. plus the package. plus the charisma. plus the mysterious x-factor. it seems almost too good to be true. but then again. stop day-dreaming. haha.

alrite. it's just a moment of folly. crushes make me feel younger. bye.

it's not illegal to dream. :)

crossroad

2008-07-22T06:05:00.000-07:00

In case if you are wondering, i am still pretty much alive n kicking; except for the fact that the new sem has already begun. oh well.

i will be flying off to Melborne in mid-feb'09 (time flies huh?)

i am already in the process of submitting my application form and doing all those miscellaneous admin stuff.

i gotta say that i am one lucky bitch to have this opprtunity because it really cost a bomb to be there. Honestly, i am really surprised by how much it amounts to after consulting the admin staff today. It kinda exceeded my expectations by a lil. The course fees is double the one that is currently paid (which is ex. enough) and the cost of living is nothing less than HIGH.

To be exact, compared to local unis.. i think ONE sem in Monash Uni exceeds that of taking an entire 3-4 yr course in nus or ntu. bleah.

it will be a v.costly experience but i am sure i'm gonna make it really worthwhile :)

Anyway, i have heard from frens who are already on-campus about how happening it is over there n i look forward to expanding my social networks n participating in the orientation! geez.

On a side note, i'm actually really tempted to take Honours. reallyyyyyy tempted. However it will still depend on how well i will do in my 3rd yr n thou shall keep my fingers crossed.

Taking Honours means --> more moolah needed/graduate a yr later, in 2010/ spending another yr on-campus in Monash/perhaps doing some research stuff.

Am i really up to it? Does it secure me a better future?
Well, maybe it does... but if this really happens, i might just as well work in Melborne as i complete the 4th yr.

Although some others say that it's alrite to skip Honours and do Masters later on..i act do not have the intention to do Masters in coms at least for now.

hmmnn. give me a sign.

2008-07-06T07:43:00.000-07:00

"All humans have the capacity and the ability to love. its just that you need to find the right one who'll let you rediscover the warm fuzzy gentle and loving side, let you fall head over heels in a mad rush of passion like a giggly schoolgirl again.."

fren, you sure read me like a book

indeed.

2008-06-22T10:07:00.000-07:00

HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY TO ME!

back to party preps. brb with updates n reflections! see u dearies!

as though its the last

2008-06-13T03:29:00.000-07:00

i'll tell u a secret...shhhhh...promise u dun tell?

i realised watching Korean dramas realllyyy makes me wanna fall in love again... ahhhhhhh. how can life be that sweetttttttt?! -grin-

but i guess life is fair. Because i have all the love in the world...both family and friends thats why i may just forgo this one. i'm really loved. :)

i can't imagine a life w/o all of u. i know that its pretty emo to say this. i wanna live each day as those its the last. And whatever happens, i am grateful for everything i have. sometimes, i wonder if i deserve all these. i do have many many downs in my life. sometimes i expect too much from myself and the ppl around me and thats why i can get easily disappointed at times. there are things u guys will never know. there are some problems...even my closest / bestest/ childhood frens do not know. However, whats most important is to live for the moment. everybody will leave this world eventually. if i leave one day, i want all of u to know how important u guys are to me. each and everyone of u make up every cell and heartbeat in me. i wanna treasure all that i have. really do.

2008-06-09T19:40:00.001-07:00

i can't believe that i happen to think of you again. those memories just whizzed past. was it there all along. was it just stored in the unconscious state of mind. or perhaps. u r just a shadow. so pls stop following me. thats all i ask for. i don't wanna remember you. just go.

pardon my cranki-ness. studying has made me emo. music too.

2008-06-01T22:35:00.000-07:00

my parents got me my 21st pressie ystd n i am def. going ga-ga over it! WEEEE. i shall keep it a secret first k? dun wanna be too flashy about it. hehehehhe.

anyway i wonder how can someone be so sweet as to take leave just to attend my big day?!! n its just a bday. awww. i'm def. melting. thank you daryl. :)

alrite i am back to my books. just being random here. haha. since i have been so isolated these days, i am just sharing my lil joy thru this lil space.

dear god, pls bless me with everything i need for my coming exams.

2008-05-16T19:31:00.000-07:00

"love it, live it"

i have been pretty lazy to start my bday preparation although time is kinda running out considering the fact that i end my exams 3 days b4 my bday. no complaints though. it still beats having a bday right smack in the middle of exams.

how?

my mind is just stuck with exam rev. that i haf no mood for any other things.

n i think i might just succumb to the evils of dengue again.
i actually have 10 mozzie bites in 1 night.
am i too sweet or what.
rah.

happybdaytes :)

2008-05-09T23:59:00.000-07:00

i dun have much time. so i will let the pics do the talking k?
happy bday tes love! thank you for taking good care of my all these years.
u r really old now. haha. but still the prettiest ever.
we celebrated at Soup Resturant and Meritus Mandarin-38th level Lounge
a word of caution: it was a bad hair day n i was feeling a lil tipsy. so view the pics at ur own risk k? ciao.

2008-05-01T09:01:00.000-07:00

hello stress,

i think i have lost weight.

thank you. -_-

hello world.

2008-04-21T20:57:00.000-07:00

ohaiyo.

while the whole world is in the midst of their exams,
fz is still struggling with the assignments,
and the great/wonderful/superb/fantastic news is...
i will actually end my exam on the 19th JUNE.
wow indeed.
all thanks to the 4 months of summer hols.
but i'm not grumbling anyway.
summer will be here again, soon.
in Aussie sense i meant.
hee.
gonna get my bday prezzie sooonnnn. HEHE.
in another half a yr more or so..
i'll be gone.
can't wait to start a new life in Aussie!
although i'll miss many things here
but it's a much-needed opportunity/space
for fz to grow.
i can let go of the many emotional baggages,
i really look forward to the day i clinch that scroll
throw my hat into the air
n tear in joy.
i reallyyy do.

2008-04-19T03:23:00.000-07:00

how about a tiffany & co. ring for a 21st? :P

-twirls-
-blinks-
-grins-

walk and spill her heart. lets start from the very start.

2008-04-11T07:36:00.000-07:00

Be Contented-by allinspiration.com

One of the major sources of unhappiness in life is the constant desire for more. More, more, and more.

More stuff. More money. More loving relationships. More time. More recognition. More achievement.

Desire for improvement is a good thing. But not if it consumes you.

When that happens, you lose sight of the present, and fail to appreciate everything you do have now.

Learn to be contented. Learn to count your blessings.

The man who has little but is contented with what he has, is far happier than the man with almost everything but wants everything.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i might as well drill this into my head. because i never understand what is enough. i search high and low constantly for the best..by my own standards, but i am the 'richest' person with nothing left. i lost the ability to appreciate things anymore. so now. tell me how. tell me how.

"Life is full of ups and downs. The trick is to enjoy the ups and have courage during the downs"

i'll try. as they say, there wun be ups w/o downs.
no one will ever understand whats going on in my life,
even u who is reading this blog.

where are my frens. where is my confidante. even if they appear, i doubt i feel comfortable to open up. it's just a whirl of thoughts. i really wanna do well academically, be a good daughter n all. but i feel that i am falling apart already. sometimes i wish i will never wake up. i really do.

Monday Blacks

2008-04-07T02:51:00.000-07:00

i think intimate friendships are similar to that of a bgr.

i hate to be so vulnerable to other ppl's emotions.

one more thg, i can be really big-hearted yet petty n sensitive on certain days.

although a comment is harmless or meant to tease n irritate,

i still think that jokes shouldnt be gone overboard at times.

once is enough.

i'm defnitely not a bimbo.

although i admit that i have my moments.

i am confident i worth more than that.

i may act like one.

but mind you, i have got brains.

n all in all

you can conclude that

i have a pretty huge ego.

dun even bother stepping on my pride.

enough is enough.

i wish my glare could sew up ur mouths.

2008-04-02T23:49:00.000-07:00

i look forward to my 21st birthday.
its gonna be at:

venue: Changi Cottage (yeshh..it's a cottage!)
date: 220608 /sunday (yup! on the acutal) *pls mark off this date from ur calender NOW
time: to be advised
Theme: flamboyant (i haven't tot of a proper tittle.. how about "my flamboyant garden?" , "flamboyant me up?", "pretty flamboyant?", "flamboyant juliet?" haha wheres romeooo..., "flamboyant fairy tale?")okie i shall keep brainstorming. most importantly it must not be cliche. hiak. any suggestions?

alrite..i will send out the invitations soon. of cos, all u dearies will be invited. :)

despite all unhappiness, i'm still a lucky bitch. at least, i have everything i want. at least, i am healthy. at least, i'm loved. at least, i'm very very blessed with the way i am. looks,upbringing,love,brains,everything. i really need to bear this in mind.

thats already an abundance to many.

*wondering where i derived this surge of optimism despite the many emo entries of mine? After witnessing a 11 mth old baby ystd who is extremely bubbly n lovable yet she had to be born blind. Her pair of gorgeous sparkling eyes was a very heart-wrenching sight. i wished that she will be blessed with all the best things in the world n love as she grows up in this superficial world*

a great pity. but i believe god has his plans for everyone.

now i realised. i should learn to be contented.

2008-04-01T23:10:00.000-07:00

i am tired of living for others. period.
sick of never being good enough for myself.
weary of the perfectionist life.
worried that i'll personally destroy all i have one day.
i judge but hate to be judged.
i wished i was more down-to-earth.
i want to be simpler.

like many of you,
i wished i was the daughter of some celebrity or president
of glitz and glamour.
(whatever the price, or u may think i'm materialistic)
but dun we all want things that are hard-to-get?
i love attention
(just the reason why i am typing this post)
i wish for bigger boobs and to be model-stick thin
(although i am pretty fine with the way i am, just the way u tell me.)

i hate to be envied.
because i feel threatened.
yet they say it's a compliment to be admired.
but dun forget that i am human too.
n i err. alot.

although i always proclaim that i dun care about how others think about me,
in fact it's just the very opposite.
i think i care too much.
it's becoming an obessison
that can make or break my day.

they say, live for yourself.
i say, unless you are a piece of wood.
whatever.

(pardon my emo entries. will be back with my bday updates.)

self-pity

2008-03-24T21:30:00.000-07:00

i dun realise how fortunate i am. sometimes i do. but well,
now
i think i am the saddest thing on earth.
of smiles and sweet nothings,
i'm trampled and gasping for the last.
although i dun have the right to say this,
i am so unhappy.
with the family especially.
i wonder where this is taking us to.
super fed-up with the father who loves me alot n yet is often found in indulgence of late.
super frustrated with the mother who loves me no less but fails to admit her mistakes.
or rather she chose to live in denial.
we are all escapist.
somtime i wished u all will read this.
but perhaps by then i wished i will be gone.
who knows when we will leave this world one day.
its evolving into a love-hate r/s.
i care.
yet i dun feel like giving a damn anymore.

i am crying so loudly.
in me.
but dun u all hear me at all?

regards,
the irresponsible me.

a cupcake

2008-03-15T20:23:00.000-07:00

they praised about her beauty.
but no one bothered to cross the barrier
and unveil the girl behind that.
she's blessed,
eyes of her mum.
nose n lips of her dad's.
but she's not just that.

she's afraid of this unforgiving world.
more afraid of her unforgiving self.

2008-03-10T22:52:00.000-07:00

i will wait.
cos waiting proves plausible.
at least for me.
thou shun be impulsive anymore.
i promise.

i realise i shine best during rough times.
let me seize the day,
i will hang on
no matter what happens.

i am quite happy now.
but perhaps not as happy as before.
sometimes i wish i had the power to change things.
but i just can't change where i am born into.
they love me so much.
so much that i feel that i shortchanged them.
but why am i so unsatisfied.
or even unappreciative.
i am just couped up,
i wanna scream at the top of my voice.
yet i hope that no one ever listens to me.
it's just a secret i will bury till i leave.

i shall just focus on me.
and thats more than enough already.
it's time i learn to be selfish.

if u are speculating that e above is about a r/s prob.
u r probably right.
but it's not about bf.
just those closest to my unspoken heart.

i shouldn't

2008-03-04T10:18:00.000-08:00

shouldn't have flipped thru' the old times.
shouldn't have recalled how u look.
shouldn't have read what u wrote.
shouldn't have reminsce the past.
it should be about now.
it should be about me.

i just smile u away.
thats all.
wherever u are, best wishes.

u will just be buried forever.
in fact, u didn't surface a tinge till late.
i hate to say this,
but i finally gotta admit what i always denied,
it's better to have loved n lost,
then never have it at all.

thank you.

just me

2008-03-01T22:45:00.001-08:00

i woke up and thought that i saw u again.
It's been so long. Too long.
It wasn't tears but sweetness of ur once embrace.
sadly we didn't talk in that empty space
we sat on the same table
and i saw you rode away.
you didn't turn back
there were no goodbyes.
just like this,
just like that way you were.
once so familiar,
so real that i dun remember.

oh lover boy
sometimes... iwonderifyoustillrememberme.
or perhaps i was just a pain u once had.
i didn't miss you just that you crossed my mind.
yes, today.

if all those didn't happened,
i wonder if we were still frens today.
perhaps the best of frens.
why can't lovers become frens.
maybe it just wasn't meant to be?
just you and me.
or rather,
the person who once loved me
you i once loved
just once was enough.

29FEB2008 - Happy Leap Year!

2008-02-29T18:58:00.000-08:00

i dun why, but i am just really excited about today. It's nothing much that calls for an occasion except for the fact that it happens once every 4years. i think the beauty of nature amazes me alot. i remember the last leap year, i was only a 16 yr old *toot toot* girl who celebrated her first leap yr(as far as she knew that it existed) in school with 4 other girls on stage who only got to celebrate their bdays once every 4yrs.

Just to make a note! This leap yr, thou is still alive.

i wonder or rather i look forward to what i have accomplished by the next leap yr. What will i be doing then? hmnn.

my dad said that prob i am already a mum by then. -_-"
(p.s what bullshit?! haha)

adieu

I AM FINALLY BACK :)

2008-02-28T02:34:00.000-08:00

i AM BACK! School has resumed this week! Thanks for supporting this little deserted place of mine! i promise i will be back with more updates. Meanwhile, many things have happened. i had my share of fun with my 4 month long hols n am glad that i have met all my lovelies that i have really missed alot alot alot.

I attended many 21st bday parties n still have MANY MANY MANY MORE to come. Ber.fairy, pq, my beloved and huey shyan's 21st were both very enjoyable n i just can't say how touched i am. u think i'm EMO? haha. Oh well, to put it simply, it's the joy to see how my beloved frens had blossomed n how much we treasure this together. We will grow grey together...as everything sags (n i mean everything :P), with our walking sticks and grandchildren in future, i know that these are the people that will keep me going. :)

In the month of March, i already have 4 21st bdays to attend. As honoured as i am, 21st bdays seemed to become a routine gradually. Or i would say, a weekly punctuation. haha. However, i will still live up to my 'social butterfly' status huh. The only difference is that i really go there just to have my share of fun...not to bridge any dose of superficial relationship.

Alrite...in order to account for my MIA from here... Actually, i have a surprise IN for u guys. okie, its not a surprise anymore since some of u are already aware of this. My partner n i have lauched this online shopping site at

chanelally.livejournal.com

Please do support it! Or even pass the word around alrite. Post it on ur blog, facebook, friendster or even msn! i'l be so so so glad n grateful for ur help. :) u can link it up or even add us as a friend if u r a livejournal user. Even if u are not purhcasing anything, do join our mailing list for immediate updates too!

Trust me, for this debut collection, we put in months of hardwork, brain juice and research. It's not the best that we can do, because it will only continue to get better as the next few collections progresses! heeee. We brought in limited pieces...so hopefully anyone of u guys who r interested can drop by or simply sms me k! muackz!

Anyway, with regards to my personal life, which some of u may be interested about... (no?) haha.. i am still a free bird(at least thats what i think haha). Maybe it's just me who is not ready to be tied down in some way. or MAYBE i am really sceptical about love. haha. I think true love dun exist BUT it still lies in ur own definition of it. Anyhow, i still think that theres always someone better. THats the time when i will stop running n realise its maybe YOU. Some commented about my high expectations (whats new?) haha. i wun deny this, but u can send me a drop dead gorgeous David Beckham but i may still choose Jude Law over him. Although i am kinda superficial (who isnt??), i still think that charsima is what that hits the jackpot, at least for ME.

hmn...theres no hurry to find a partner although the 'peer pressure' is on. Yes? i am just a single-entity that is so so so afraid so fall head over heels. i dun know why. i am just unable to put my guard down (now, u can't believe whos talking). Its not as if theres no one in my life now that is not special enough but each time something just seems to be lacking. Most of the time, things progress a lil too fast that makes me think twice again. Not that i am extremely self-confident, but at times i wonder if the opposite party is just attracted to who i APPEAR to be, or who i really AM. In fact, i guess this is what i am most particular about. Everyone in this world IS superficial to some extent. NO, this is not a sweeping statement. (u r welcome to provide stand if u think otherwise). i dun believe that i can make someone have the THING going for me after officially knowing me for only 3 - 4 days despite the fact that we know of each other's existence for quite a while. i really dun. Someone say, it isn't impossible. Oh perhaps, this is just the inferior side of me. i think i just cant help it but think too much all the time.

With regards to the family...all i can say is the apple always look polished n red but its probably already half rotten.
u figure it out urself. sometimes i feel so depressed that i wallow in self-pity without realising that i am actually already a very fortunate girl who gets almost anything she wants. just say it, n i will get it. But still, tell me what is happiness? is it all a facade? if only it could be bought rite?

i am just really encouraged with this saying, "think of what u already have n not what u missed"

alrite..emo thing aside, i am gonna celebrate my 21st in 3 mths plus time. gotta get the plans moving cos it falls durng the school holiday period. Anyway, i am thinking of a theme party! every reader here is OF COS invited. haha.

p.s. Although they say it's up to u to choose ur happiness, i say real happiness is for the simplest people. And that, i call it a blessing in disguise. Knowing less in life, might just do some good.

say bye to my thursday pinks.

thats when u believe.

2008-01-02T08:34:00.000-08:00

someone once told me that the sun and the moon were once living happily together, and all other celestial bodies were envy of their devotions.

but years passed, and the sun got brighter and brighter while the moon stay dull.

even thou the moon still loves the sun, but the moon start to get very insecure.

and words started to spread from stars to stars, that the sun would be better off with another, instead of staying in this solar system with the moon.

but the sun pledge its love for the moon, for as long as it is burning.

but words are only words.

the sun soon received too much attention and lost its affection for the moon.

the moon couldn't possibly request the sun not to shine anymore, so the moon only realized that 2 of them belong to different world.

the day and the night.

and maybe, just maybe, this is why people only cry at night.

i read the above from another blog. its a really true piece. spoken from the heart. n i agree with the innuendo behind every word. thats how irreversible life is. thats how helpless it gets. thats how we can get over how hurt we were but never realise that it will always be etched in that unspoken corner. thats how we run n run while denying that we r escapist. thats how we can be left speechless. so what say u?

with my hands clasp, i pray. 0'7 - 0'8

2007-12-31T05:54:00.000-08:00

oh well, after a good whole month plus of not blogging...i am finally back to do the very important thing. my 2007 closure speech and 2008 must-do resolution to embrace a new year. :)

This might be a long entry...so pls bear with me. As u always know, fz is and has always been over-expressive. Bestowed with her dramatic life, she can't help it but be little more long-winded. like usual.

hmmn. two-oh-seven was a pretty goal driven year which saw me progress n gradually clinched my fruits of labour. For that, i can proudly say, i am pretty happy. :) And i WILL n MUST continue to strive to excel...for i hope to stretch my potential.

Yet on the other hand, it was a year i learnt to practise what i preach - n that is to adapt to the environment instead of vice versa. i tried to compromise n learn the true essence of sacrifice. I realised that I have evolved into a person who is emotionally-stronger and independent.

However all these weren't easy at all. i struggled n picked up from where i fall. i was an occasional emo/pms freak that never failed to be temperamental n on guard. i was a brat who couldn't wait to throw the world into the darker depths of hell. There were times, i laid like a porcupine who ignorantly hurt the ppl i love. i took them for granted n i know i will regret one day.

But as i said...i have learnt to try n forgive n forget. If i take everything too seriously... i can officially announce that life is a bitch.

family: Losing my grandma this yr has definitely left a deep impact on our lives. Personally, my life was never the same since then. i walk into the empty room n i dun see her anymore. all i could do is to stare at those familiar antique n heave the smell of rosewood that still lingered in the air. i flipped thru our old pictures n it never seem to satisfy the screaming emptiness. Apart of me has faded n will never return. Its the first time we are spending a new year with only four ppl at home.

since then, i kept reminding myself to treasure each n everyone at home b4 its really too late. but i can't seem to avoid the conflicts time and again. i promise i will try to play a role as a good daughter. i'll be turning 21 next year...it's time i should be more responsible for myself. Once again, i am very blessed to have extremely doting parents who never once failed to be there for me. i wish that we can be even more united n peace is somethg i really dream that will happen one day. watever it is, thru fights n quarrels, my family still holds the top place in my heart.

frens: i can't say how thankful i am to have weaved priceless friendships n relationships in the course of two-oh-seven. i bid farewell to some and gained new ones. i am glad that most of them have been there for me thru'out my roller coaster ride. a friend in need, is a friend indeed. very true indeed. i am happy for the closest ppl to me (u know who u r) who have found their significant other n wished the best for them. :)

to ppl i may have hurt unintentionally, i hope they will move on with something better. i believe time is the true test of all kinds of r/s n i am really proud to say that i have forged strong ones in which i am v.certain that i will keep with for life.

studies: i will strive towards better time management n focuson every single module. Ideally, i hope i can achieve even better grades becos i am doing this all for the good of myself. on another note, i wish i can give myself less stress. HAHA. i know its pretty redundant here. but oh well, maybe a person's greatest enemy is himself. may 2008 see me thru a smoother academic ride. its also my top pirority until the day i graduate.

btw, i'm no nerd for ur info. though i may sound like one after u have read the above. this is becos i work hard n play hard. haha. :P

For the coming 2008 in about an hour time, i look forward to a splendid year filled with happiness, peace n love. not forgetting the neverending inflow of moo-lahs n good health!(which is v.important for a 'tofu' like me. HAHA)

May the ppl i love n who loves me be blessed with the goodness in life.
oh god, please continue to guide us towards the light at the end of every tunnel.

with that, i bid goodbye to 2007 n i know 2008 is my year to con't to shine. :)

2007-11-08T00:48:00.000-08:00

Fz is feeling uber sad today. its sucha boo-boo. i always have this emo-hangover after every shagged party. :(

summer hols!

2007-11-06T22:26:00.000-08:00

the summer holidays is finally HERE! I can't empahsize MORE on how happy i am. This is the long-awaited break n i am SOOOO gonna make full USE OF IT!!! Let me see... i have list of things to do: Amore, shopping, overseas travel, work (?), pack my pig-sty room, re-enrolment for 2008 mods, arrange my wardrobe that is filled with tons of new clothes with the price tag still attached (HAHAH), do some good deed (since i have sinned too much. haha. naw lah, i wanna lend a helping hand to the needy ppl around us. no matter how down i feel, i am still considered a very blessed girl compared to many many ppl around me).

i think i have been quite a good girl this yr. hahah.
since i am SO FREE now, i shall start arranging my schedule for the hols. :) WEEEE.
i wanna do some personal reflection for this yr too. those ups and downs. but i can safely say that it has been a pretty sweet yr.
at this pt. of time, next yr, i will prob be packing my luggage n off i am to Melborne. Oops. i think i will miss all of u. i am quite a cry baby. haha.
regarding the qns posted in my last post, it seems as though it had sparked quite an intense debate.. haha. good thing? maybe. i will attend to this later.

Right now, i just wanna laze n still LAZE around.
i am going for my wisdom tooth op on the 15th nov. pls give me some consolation or encouragement. :X i heard that its gonna be tough n pain n my jaws are gonna swell n turn blue-black. so yahh. of cos i wun go out in an ugly state. haha.
maybe i wun be able to eat for a few days.
its good, becos i have a chance to lose more weight. so maybe its a blessing in disguise. HAHA.
i can't wait for XMAS. i must have somethg special this yr b4 i turn into an adult officially next yr.

Aw. i am glad that ord is here for my frens. welcome back to the civilian world. haha.

n i miss my boys. Ronald and Daryl.. i am free to go out now. sorry for pangseh-ing u guys all the time.hee.

We went all WILD n CRAZY after exams ystd. Hahaha. TOTAL Madness man. okieee. n i visited Home Club. it looks like a pretty neat n cosy one. Maybe i will have some fun there next time. tonite i will be grooving off at zouk-mambo! lets just hope it wun be crowded.yah. HOPE. haha.

okie, while i settle my new blog issues...becos i am about to get down to it, stay tuned! :)

btw, some random note. i am SO ADDICTED to Jay Chou's new album. rox socks. i will give it a 4/5. 1 point down for the occassional fast tracks that are not really in tuned with my ears.

2007-11-01T11:29:00.000-07:00

It's 2.30 a.m n i am here mugging for my pr module. doing some final brush-ups for the 100MCQs later. HAHA. gonna literally GRAB some sleep laterrr. aww. i'm pathetic. oh well. things will go well...i hope..after today, i am left with 1 more paper. hmmn. EXCITED? definitely. :P

someone caught my eye today. i realised that the gentlemen characteristic in a guy is def gonna mark up his value n see the score on his mark sheet soar like never b4. Nothing much to ask for...just a simple gesture such as holding onto the door even when u guys are "almost strangers" and walking b4 u, is somethg that sounds basic yet not many possess it. i aint asking for too much ya? hahaha. so who dares say that i have high expectations?! lalala.

i am into the avoiding game. If a person harbours onto a hope for almost half a year, does it say somethg? but still... its the heart that counts...n i know it doesn't flow that way, at least for now. i think i am naive in this way...haha. i know its absurd to hear this from my mouth. BUT. i have my reasons. anyway.

friendships are indeed more everlasting but r/s bears expiry date n risks. so which one will u choose? hmmn.

2007-10-30T08:37:00.000-07:00

i think i am giving myself too much pressure. its not as though i am not studying or doing my best. but sometimes i really feel extremely down especially during this exam period.

Even if i keep quiet all day long... my dad could read me like an open book.
All he said was, "dun give up, u are already half way there..."

i gotta admit that sometimes i do harbour on this random thought. But being the goal-driven nature of mine, i doubt i will bear to disappoint myself too.

i'm just so upset. i dun know y.

2007-10-27T04:31:00.000-07:00

i have 3 more papers to go!!! nov 6...i'm coming baby!! HAHA. okie. pardon my spasticity.

i REALLY have the urge to mambo on nov 7. anyone wanna join me??? the bigger the group, the better. i think clubbing with more frens spells FUN. heeee. i wanna take more pics. i wanna go gym-ing. i wanna swim. n i wanna go overseas. :(

can someone pls help me to de-stress now... a simple joke, a ghost story or a funny expression that can make me laugh is enough. haiz.

fz gotta pull herself together.

After watching so many dramas, i still think shin from goong (princess hours) is still my ultimate indulgence. haha. my one and only. :) i'll marry anyone who resembles him. HAHA. he doesn't have to be a rich prince like him, but he's gotta bare the attitude n charm.. okie, the tot of it makes me happy. i am such a silly skunk. blah.

i think i am. not.

2007-10-14T23:58:00.000-07:00

omg... i wonder why am i getting so insecure these days. dun tell me its the pre-exam stress or whatsnot. its like a puberty-relapse or pms. HAHA. what a joke.

theres this devil flying around my ears n mumbling some spells that kinda sheds my self-esteem a lil, which shouldn't be the case. hmmn.

sometimes i like myself. sometimes i dun. a lil.

HAHA.
okieee i have enough of this bimbo crapzzz.

whenever friends comment that i am smart, i get so pressured. but u know what? the stress n expectations are given by fz alone.

its up to me to decide if i wanna be happy. rite rite rite??

seee. i'm talking to myself again.

maybe being independent or having a strong facade, just makes a person lose his/her inner self.

am i an android?

-pulls hair-

something new.

2007-10-11T03:10:00.000-07:00

i have decided to officially remove my blog to a new place. I've already tot of the name and the entire theme/concept of it. BUT i can't decide whether it should be another blogspot or a livejournal thing? Can anybody advise me for that?

Hmn...but no worries, i will announce it when i have set up a new one. haha. For now, it will still be here. I foresee that i will start removing when my hols begin. it will most likely be done b4 the end of this yr i hope.

Other than starting things afresh, i hope i will make this blog less private n its def a good way for us to keep-in-touch when i fly over to Monash Uni by the end of 2008. So...i guess i will need a year to warm-up the new bloggie. ahaha. okie. u dun understand. i am just being crappy.

To put it simply, i wanna embrace a new phase of my life. :)

n i realised the irony that this blog was started for the wrong reasons since 2004. Its been 3 yrs plus...coming 4, n the people who used to be important to me back then, who set this up together with me, are barely significant now. But anyway, for the right reason, i am thankful that this blog had kept me going till today.

feel free to drop suggestions man.

2007-10-10T19:38:00.000-07:00

Oh god...bless this raging hormones of mine. I was actually traumatised by a "HORRIFYING" dream lastnite. okie.. not LITERALLY. n nothing of those ghost or monster sorts..n naw it is nothing scary. Its just that ironic things always happen when i am esp. stressed out man.

i actually dreamt then i was married to AHEM. (to my buds, u shld know who the past refers to)... OMG was the first thing i muttered when i woke up today. No wonder they say dreams always runs opposite from reality. HAHA. its a blessing in disguise huh. i wonder why are my dreams SO RANDOM. Everything is still vivid in my mind. so dumb didi dumb didi dumb. Out of all People...i had rather any STRAIGHT guy even if he is a stranger to appear in my dream. haha. Oh well. we dun get to choose. I just hope that the 'Fairy of Dreams' will weave me better treats next time.

Aww.. anyway, fz is in a full-blast exam mode.My exams are in 2 weeks time and i will be on HOLIDAYS from Nov 6th ONWARDS!!!! yipppeee. Date me k?? haha. fz will be sooo freee. I will embrace this freedom with open arms. ahaha.

If i am not wrong, the next sem will begin in Feb 2008 for me. So i do already have a rough idea of how i can spend it. Other than outings, perhaps, i may fly to bangkok for hol aka SHOPPING SPREE again, look for an internship with either a PR agency, advertising or events management company n renew my Amore membership. YUPPPP.. n not forgetting the usual catch ups that i OWE so many PPL. okie. i know i should stop splurging. literally. =X

i would also like to thank meizi for all her help man. :) w/o u, i might have already 'killed' myself. i must be blind for agreeeing to partner that BITCH. AHH. okie. she just makes my blood boil and def 'IMPROVED" my blood pressure from the all-time-low to a healthier level now.

I realised that i cannot stand people with BAD working attitude. I'm the kinda of person that would prefer to draw a line between work and our personal relationship. If u r irresponsible in your work, which is one of the fundamentals of being a pleasant person AT LEAST, i dun see a point why the friendship should go on after this.

Of course, i didn't pick up a quarrel or confrontation or nothing near that. I'm not that kinda person. Because i know that by showing my displeasure, it will just impede the entire progress of our project. The only rememdy is to CLOSE-one-eye. Thankfully, i am blessed with some brains to meticulously check her work or else i will be charged with plagarism with that idiotic piece of shit. SHE actually dared to copy n paste information from the website for one of the articles of our mock newsletter. Can YOU IMAGINE the price WE have to pay??

Never underestimate a professor. IF he can go to the extent of counting your 1000 over word essay when u simply state that its 800, i dun see why he wun check out the website to compare n identify resemblance. OMG. i dun like to use the 4 letter word. But she made me use it sooo many times (under my breath) that i wonder if it will happen again in my whole life. F.

She constantly disappointed me in ALL aspects except for her good writing skills. But do u think thats enough? Argh. I swear this will be the FIRST n LAST time this partnership will happen.
Just imagine, if u dun display ur displeasure, this someone actually took it for granted and merely acted that nothing was wrong... Her ignorant attitude really made me SPEECHLESS.

okiee...forget it. If we score a Distinction or Higher D, i dun think she deserve IT AT ALL. But still...as claimed, a partnership is to prepare u for the working world esp. the media industry where u can't choose who to work with.

oh well. INDEED.
i have learnt a very good lesson.
Tolerance is the Key.

THANK YOU and Adieu.

ARGH

2007-10-01T07:50:00.000-07:00

I agree with dear..I think we need to attend some anger management course together! Am i getting old and intolerant?? i am SOOO FED UP AND ANGRY with this particular project partner of mine that i feel like POURINGGG acid on her face man. Seriously...i can close an eye to anything BUT i HATE...note..i HATE ppl who LIE. And it makes it worse if ur lie is lame and totally filled with leakages and loopholes. Dun take me for granted. I wasn't born ystd man...not as innocent n dumb. if one should lie to me, u had better make sure ur lie is 100% or rather 200% full-proof that i wun doubt at all...for all u know u might just give urself away from the few qns i tactfully asked. IIIIDIOT. I'm an arts student n being CRITICAL is the pre-requisite. I will STARE right into ur soul n analyse the depths of ur mind man.

I still had to keep up a hypocritical, cool and happy facade during our meeting just now. Crap shitz man. FOr the sake of the bloody project, i will TOLERATE. Cos it wun make things better if i show my displeasure or ANGER.. i just want to get things done to the BEST it can be.

i gotta rush my last project for this wed n its time b4 the exams come by. brb to bitch after i hand in this assignment. God bless me. Bless that i will contain my temper n NOT flare up. u guys may not understand what i am writing now. But i will be right back to account for it.

ARGH.

Oops

2007-09-26T11:00:00.001-07:00

i have been all busy rushing all my assignments as usual. ahhhhh. my eye luggages and unforgiving stress zits are making its debut appearance already. I need my beauty sleep and skin regime of mask and exfoliation!! boo. Nothing much happened in my life lately. Really. Its pretty booorrrrinngg, that u can just doze off n sleep after reading this entry. HAHA.

read that sc's gonna have his ord parade soon. Maybe we can go down to show our support~ heee... but i wonder when is it? we need the details~ :)

Anyway, i dun have the pics for the ball. sooo much for promising u guys entry after entry. i am so sorry. Apparently i didnt bring my cam along n thats the reason y i havent got any pics yet. haha. maybe some day i may get my hands on it. But its just pics anyway. I have got tons more of my narcissistic self. HAHA. okie. call me a cam-whore.

I have been pretty pissed with my tuition kid. I know its normal for kids to lie. But its not an excuse when she said that she didnt FEEL like doing her hmw. n NOPe. thats not wat u r thinking. she had so lil to do and mind u...i am handling a student who tops her class effortlessly. n YET complacency is the root of all evils. ARgh. n there she goes. Her results plunging to an endless depth for SA2. Sometimes i feel that i am just being paid to counsel her u know. Shes quite an introvert with random spunky times. But if she doesnt put in the effort to improve her English, albeit being a China student, i wonder how much more motivation i can get. I go to the extent of getting her lil gifts as incentives to keep her going man. Everything went well for the whole yr that i have been teaching her..but she is getting really lazy these days n it gets on my nerves. I think i am at fault for not being able to spend more time with her due to my amounting commitments and needless to say MY STUDIES. Ahhh.

I feel like giving up. Did i really say that?

I remember having this EXTRA student only for 2 months n i nearly killed myself in the beginning of this yr. TOTAL crap. I feel like i am talking to an ant each time i communicated with her. She talks softly... has an encyclopedia of EXCUSES regarding hmw and is occassionally rude to me in smses. OMG. And i am just there tooo... guide her in her schoolwork? oh pls. she can get her parents to get a maid to do that for her. Stop insulting my intelligence. brrrr. WHat makes things worse is when she tries to cancel lessons w/o her parents approval.l And now i know y she had been changing DOZENS of tutors in barely a year. Dun ever talk back to me or i'll just walk off man. In fact, towards strangers and friends...i consider myself to have a pretty high tolerance and patience level. But dun stretch beyond it man. I'm definitely taller, hotter and smarter than her...n I'm her Damn tutor. Alrite its EX tutor.

ok. fz is a bitch. i know.

I shouldnt be bringing out all this past. But for the fun of it, just to fill up this empty entry...and to share with u guys the lil nasty experiences in my life. Its not that cheery afterall.

Oh well. I have gotten over it. Just that thinking about this shitty times makes me feel stronger. HAHA. thank god its wed. i'll be more free after next wk... yippee.

umbrella fever

2007-09-16T07:02:00.001-07:00

under my umbrella ella ella eh eh eh..

i dun have the pics from the ball YET. But it was sheer fun socialising with all those newly commissioned officers n making new frens. The kinky upstage performances was def. somethg to turn u on for the day. I will provide all details by the next post yo.

The sky seems obscure these days because i am a kite without strings. Free yet lost among the system i am churned in. I really hope that i have the strength both physically and mentally to endure much longer. I shall look forward to my hols which is still months away. And that means my exams un-THAT far anyway.

Dear Fairy,

Look at me...I'm this lil butterfly in search for its fitted wings. We ballet under that midsummer dream and never realised that it was already spring. In endless twirls and glides, we crossed that graceful sky, but where art thou is the other fly. For earth is round, till the day we feat again. Its an emptied half with hate for void, the love sprinkled on that field of grey. Thou shall lay till that very day. Awake me with your rainbow ray.

Love,
ur lil lolli wif a cherry on top.

(by fz. copyrite)

i wonder.

2007-09-14T07:06:00.000-07:00

Attending the OCS Commissioning Ball tmr~

i wonder where has all the excitement gone to...

Amazingly the ppl around me are more enthusiastic abt it despite the fact that i am the ONE going n NOT them. HAHA.

gonna CHIONG*3 my assignment tonite b4 i give a black face tmr.

Gonna get my ass down to Orchard to let my hairstylist do my hair followed by make-up appointment at Tangs in the afternoon.

well. OhGod.bless me with a gorgeous face tmr. n Smart brains. okie...i shall be more self-confident. Smarter brains. HAHA. So that i will hold an intelligent conversation like a pro...like a PR i have always wanted to be. But then again, its not my function...i am just a partner. Thats great. cos who cares how partners look.

i am sorry for making u guys read this random posting...Blah. I'll back with the pics.

2007-09-13T08:58:00.000-07:00

No one cares anyway.Rite. I think those neverending assignments are thinking its toll on me. I am turning into this emo kid. Or rather..already AM. Why do i have to go thru all these? Well, its to earn a passport to a brighter future. Thats cos everyone says so. Rite. So degree is everything i want now.

But, i need a LIFE. Do i look like i have a choice?

i am soooooo frustrated. A night out will be good. Sadly, i can't even afford the time. i need at least 36 hours a day.

I dun even see the link regarding some of the comms module i am taking now to my future career. How does all those media theories and sociologists apply to my job?? Just studying cos i had the passion n now...its getting a lil dry n i feel obligated. Well..simply, its my duty as a student to do well. full stop.

I will put in my everything...my heart,my soul, my blood, my sweat n my tears. My ultimate success will be judged by the markers. I just dun wanna regret. Yup. I can't afford to.

I can't wait to get out of the education system! RIGHT NOW!

i feel so dumb n helpless.

My confessions

2007-09-11T06:47:00.001-07:00

Oh well..I have been day dreaming alot lately. I was immersed in the world of my own reflections. ..the recollections of my past just returned inevitably.

From that haughty lil pampered spoilt brat in pri.sch..to that meek studious nerd in sec.sch...transformed into the loud yet cinderella-mentality kinda jc gal to the practical and more down-to-earth person who i can safely proclaim to be mature today.. esp in her tots...but maybe others may misunderstood her occassional blur-ness n bimbotic actions to be crazy n kiddy... haha. I made the effort to clarify myself cos i know all of u may beg to differ. Hahahaha. nah. Seriously, i'm actually quite a shy person. i know no one believes me. blah. Other than my confident n outgoing personality or rather facade... theres this inner me thats closetted n waiting to be discovered...i know it.

I'm not wallowing in self-pity. However I realised that i can be this insecure lil 'bitch' (pardon my words). This is my lil secret...

The first thing u do when u wake up every morning is to perhaps pay the toilet a visit. But for me.. its a natural thing to take a stare at the mirror. HAHA. i know i'm vain. But this has become an unintentional habit. There are mornings when my sugar-coated mind states" Thank god, Fz.. u r looking pretty today". Yet there are bad days when the devil calls and shouts..."y r u never-thin-enough?! or whats that eye-luggage doing there? " I'm not embarrassed to say that this r the lil struggles of my self-consciousness. However, i try not to let these ruin my day. This is simply because, a person is happy when he believes he is.

Yesh. I do have many lovely friends out there who are really concerned about me. For this, i feel extremely blessed. Really. However, as an only child, its easy for me to succumb to loneliness. I may seem like this 'social butterfly' that flutters relentlessly to the extent of looking like an entertaining clown infront of her frens... but all these joy n humour maybe true at times, yet it can also be a channel for me to mask the emptiness i feel.

Its a selfish thinking.. but as i grow up, i am really afraid that my parents who are aging everyday will leave me eventually. I know that this will happen sooner or later. Or perhaps u guys may think that i am just being plain pessismistic or am thinking too much... well, the truth is, i dun know if i have the courage to face it. I am not this brave gal. I have many unsaid fears too... I am afraid of facing this world alone. I have half-siblings...but no matter what, we are never gonna be as close simply due to the fact that we didnt grow up together. I bet i feel closer to my pri.sch frens n besties compared to them.

After my grandma's death, i realised how difficult is it for me to let things go. Maybe my pride is at work, but i do bottle my emotions. I start to overlook certain petty lil details in life... cos i want to work hard n be a filal daughter for as far as time allows me to. Cos time waits for no man. The thought of not having ur parents around forever leaves me shaken. I feel that this is not the qns of whether i am independent, but i guess i'm just this emotionally attached gal or woman-to-be as some may consider.

y am i unattached. gd qns. i have been trying to ans this qns (frm many ppl)several times that i have kinda formulated a model answer. haha. Truly, i guess its either my expectations r too high or i'm not gd enough or perhaps it wasnt the right time, moment n etc. for anything to fall into place.

Sometimes i think i am being difficult with myself. I know of ppl who changes r/s every now n then but to me... i think a r/s should always be a mutual thing.. Its a commitment to me...n i know many r afraid of using this term. I am not ur lala-type of girl that takes r/s as lightly as the breeze. The truth is, we do not always get what we want in life.

Eg: B-boy, G-girl, C-boy

Sometimes it can be (1) B likes G...and G likes C...but C is either ignorant or the time is not ripe
(2) B and C like G... but G ends up not choosing any.
(3) B, C, G are good frens...there were occasional sparks...but guess
protecting the friendship is more important.
(4) G doesn't know what B or C is thinking. neither does B and C know. So
its the endless guessing game.
(5) G meets someone new, yet both sides simply didnt seize the
opportunity n *poof* its gone like ystd. Blame it on fate then. haha

OMG. i can't stand myself. my life is like a drama. When i die one day, i think its enough to reproduce it into a Mediacorp production that will last for a yr. HAHA.

Oh god. bless me with the strength to overcome my fears in life and most importantly my studies. I just wanna be this good girl with great company. I want to seize n treasure every moment.

I didnt realise that i knew how to regret in life. I am glad for the achievements i earned so far but i know that i haven't stretched my potential to the max. I want company (not desperate though) yet i claim that i do not need it. I may need some attention yet i state otherwise n resort to hiding in my shelter like a hermit crab.

I'm just this contradicting thing who knows what she wants yet may not always get it. period.

2007-09-05T01:46:00.000-07:00

I'm thinking of shifting to a new blog... with an entire new theme. Cos i feel that its time to leave the past behind... since this blog had seen me thru so many ups and downs thru'out the three yrs plus or so. And my inspirations kinda seized here. So i need that extra new kick! what say u??? feel free to throw in ur comments peeps...

To shift or not to shift?

Or simply refurnished the current blog into a new theme?

blahh. i hate all those sentimental vibes that never fails to hold me back like a puppet to its strings.

-Announcement-

2007-09-01T20:52:00.000-07:00

*drum rolls- Everybody...i have something to announce!!!!!

I PASSED MY DRIVING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm feeling on top of the world!!! I think i will even smile when i sleep tonite. its simply ECSTATIC!

can't wait for my dad to get me a car... n *VRRROOOMM* here i COME BABY!!!

-nothing is apt enough to describe my happiness right now-

hehehehehhehee. :)

All thanks to all my instructors... especially... him...for being such a great fren. :)

Current mood: on the brim-tears of joy!

2007-08-31T00:57:00.000-07:00

Fz

First love is always sweet i guess.
Although it has been gone eons ago,
u dun look back,
cos time never stands still.
but looking at the young teenage couples
on the trains, bus-stops n walkways,
rang a bell that i've a past too.

well cos theres somethg in the way u look at me.
smile because u once held onto somethg dearly.
it's just not the missing piece,
thats fate for u.

:)

twirls

2007-08-28T04:53:00.000-07:00

Helloooo everybody...sorry for mia-ing all this while yo. I'm almost morphed into an invisible being. Intangible silhouette.

Oh well, as usual, many things have being churning inevitably in my life. Except that i simply refuse to distribute some attention to it. Hmn... the rants about the study load, high expectations and all that crap will remain. I wun start this whole grumbling shitz before this blog gets even more boring. But somehow, u get what i mean. I'm a nerd. thanks.

Anyway, despite the endless assignments, i managed to save some time for my personal gratifications such as attending to short catch-ups with frens, the splurging symptom on retail theraphy is stuck on me again. its really a bad habit that haunts me at the end of the day. My mum had the tix for the fireworks festival and i managed to catch this magnificent sight. It was breath-taking. The fireworks were actually synchronized according to the rhythems of the classical numbers. SIMPLY AWESOME. Except for the squeezing, wet seats and the emo-turmoil that was hovering over me...i still enjoyed the show somehow. I filmed it too. :)

well, as a media student, i have every RIGHT to catch up with the latest movies in town. Hiak. Despite not having much time to spare...i felt that Simpsons was down rite funny, lame and crappy that i nearly laughed my ass off. haha. ANd Secret is a MUST-WATCH. Its not a soapy kinda thing. Though i gotta admit that i cried buckets. NOTE, its BUCKETS. i left the theatre with a pair of swollen eyes. Not as if my pair of eyes were already not big enough. hah. I like the subtleness of the storyline and the twist at the end. I'm not gonna reveal it here. U have gotta unveil it yourself. But to me, i think this movie is not a cliche one dressed with sweet romance. Its something we can relate to on and off. Of cos if u have a life to begin with. haha. Love life i meant. :P

I am desperately searching for the CD containing the theme songs of this movie but it seems to be out of stock NATIONWIDE. Boo... this is so irritating. I swear i must get my hands on it. Somehow. It has tons of classical pieces as the movie revolves around piano as well. I am hooked onto it. Its my anthem for the day. geez.

For now, i have so many commitments on hand that i hate it when my schedules are screwed up last minute. Not as if i am a super-organised person... BUT i have time constraints. And time-management is def. IMPORTANT for me for things to work well. Ahh. Its not easy being a student these days. Everybody who agrees, pls breathe! haha. see. the whole world does. bleah.

Oh well. i apologise to some of the ppl i have been neglecting... i really wanna be there for everybody, but the fact is, i am only a single being. If only i have this power to be at diff. places at one time huh. I wish. Not even in my dreams.

Feel free to drop me a call to say helloo...i'll be sooo glad...give me some love peeps... i need that small relief. ahahhaa. nah.

I'm just this lil silent attention-seeking freak. glurps.

An sms to say, "Hey, hows ur day?" is enough.

HAHA.

honz honz

2007-08-04T01:44:00.000-07:00

beebee...honeyz...marshmallow...fondue...candyfloss...
are drivng me crazy.

i prefer to be uncontactable these days.

i like being random.

i'm too cold to whoever-that-is.

i'm-running-away-for-good.

Because CONCENTRATION is the centre of my life.

i'm too absent-minded and paranoid these days.

i'm turning high profile. (fz needs to really...tone down)

i have a love-hate r/s with competitions and my confidence.

i need more smiles and laughters.

i feel like a bird in an iron cage. But the ironic fact is, I own both the key and the lock of this cage.

i need more KICK in my life.

blah.

Not forgetting that sugar-rush. but its not that important now.

To read me, read in between the lines.

2007-08-02T08:46:00.000-07:00

I know i am just being plain silly for stating the obvious. But the fact is, i haven't took the opportunity to express my sincere appreciation towards my folks.

No matter how rough the journey gets... i gotta say that i have extremely FANTASTIC and GREAT parents. I cried today. u must be thinking that i am such a emo freak. nah. it was silent tears of joy. No doubt, i hardly get to spend time with the both of them now adays... i still feel very loved. The infinite concern showered had really touched me deeply. Maybe i am really maturing. I haven't took a step back b4 and realise how lucky i am. I dun think i can ever live without them.

Dad said something today... no matter how tough it gets, they will always make sure that i am provided for. I dun know how to express my feelings here explicitly...simply beyond words. I promise to play my role well as their daughter and i'll never let them down.

Although i dun tell them directly how much i love them. I know that deep within me, they are still the closest to my heart. I am a nobody without them.

Kinship is extremely important. We should always treasure them dearly. Ultimately, life is fragile and we dun know how much time is left for us to express our gratitude... I dun even dare to think about it.

Quietly, just between u (my loyal blog readers) and me... i wanna say... dad and mum, u are the best. i love u all. :)

2007-07-30T03:51:00.000-07:00

Presenting to u the virgin appearance of this thai song on my lil bloggy. [finally]. Thai is the new chic. trust me. YUM.

Enjoy..-turn up the volume peeps-...

sos

2007-07-27T20:47:00.000-07:00

I realised that i need the people around me to be truly happy before I taste the true fruit of joy... :) Making people happy, makes me happy.

BUT

i haven't been really happy. Wrong. I am unhappy. To be honest, i once thought that I'm on the verge of depression. I think I am severely stressed and overloaded. Its only the 2nd week since the 2nd yr begun. Taking things seriously in life is probably one of the deadly shortcomings of my character. Yet it can be a boon or bane. My timetable is horribly disgusting. I am taken as a superwoman.

There was once I felt like fainting in the train just a few days ago. Oh boy. I am not exaggerating. It kinda freaked myself out a little. The lack of rest, neverending intensive deadlines and almost inexistent social life is taking its toll of me. How am i gonna lasts for another 2 years or so?

And my immune system is completely unco-operative. This is the 5th time i have visited the doctor in 3 months. Omg. I am sick of being sick and sick of taking antibiotics etc. Someone actually commented that the number of times I am sick during this period of time is not even equivalent to another person's in a year. ahhhh. ok. i shall stop indulging in self-pity. But i am more responsible for my health now as compared to b4. However, it seems to be deteriorating silently.

I hafta attend the important grad function tmr; having to give my speech and attend the interview...YET my voice is barely normal. More hoarse than usual. I guess i'll just baaa...baa... on the stage tmr like a sheep. HAHA.

I declare myself a full time mugger. Interested to know about my status? *drum rolls*.......... Ms.Leong is OFFICIALLY ATTACHED to her darling....BOOKS.

Thanks.

I am trying my best to relax. Yet my conscience tells me otherwise. I need some time to gain back the momentum i guess. In fact, no one's stressing me. I'm the murderer of myself. blah.

Never gonna let u down.

2007-07-14T05:46:00.000-07:00

Woohoo...i have a good news to share. It came as a surprise though. I was just informed today that i am the TOP STUDENT for my faculty!!! Weee...omg...and that means i hafta attend the freaking expensive grad ceremony at Meritus Mandarin on the 29th July. Besides that i still hafta prepare a short speech to address the guests about my secrets of success etc. Erm. Secrets of success? i dun have any. haha. Just focus and live life w/o regrets. hee. Besides this, i hafta do an interview that will be videoed. Omg. I am camera-SHY u know. HAHA. Anyway my parents and the admin staff sounded more excited than me i guess. However i am still contemplating if i should turn up. blah. well i am just glad that my efforts paid off and i'll continue to strive in order to pitch myself towards greater heights. :)

*if only grandma was still around... this will be the best news ever for her.

2007-07-08T01:27:00.000-07:00

i wanna declare something!!! Ndp'07 rox socks! I was totally thrilled by the entire experience. They had new injections of water events and even the saluting of helicopters. Wow... and i guess the entire theme for this year should revolve around the underwater theme simply becos its at Marina. haha. alrite... n they had new labels like "Marina Wave".. woohoo. I thought the march pass was great too. Kudos to sc! n thanks for the tix... yippee..:) The litmus dark sky was lit up with fabulous fireworks that blossomed like flowers in the spring. Definitely a breath-taking sight.

And half the time we were laughing at how retarded the simulation of the arrival of ahem~ V.I.P.S. Btw, the canons that were located almost 150.8920 degrees opposite us...nearly caused my heart to pump ten times faster. Thumbs up! Everyone MUST catch it! Its the moment of the year... Wow... i feel MOST patriotic during ndp. muahaha. i'm proud to be a Singaporean. :)

I will upload pics soon. hee. Oh i have a video of the entire fireworks that lasted for 5 minutes. Its gonna be 'wow wow wow' moment for 2007... i wished i was gliding in the sky... wee. haha. Why this term. Because that magnicent view is beyond words.

happier. *skips*

brb.

2007-07-01T01:23:00.000-07:00

i'm such a crybaby!!! -shrugs-

happy never after

2007-06-30T21:21:00.000-07:00

小小- Joey Yung

#回忆像个说书的人
用充满乡音的口吻
跳过水坑绕过小村
等相遇的缘分
你用泥巴捏一座城
说将来要娶我进门
转多少身过几次门
虚掷青春

#小小的誓言还不稳
小小的泪水还在撑
稚嫩的唇在说离分

*我的心里从此住了一个人
曾经模样小小的我们
那年你搬小小的板凳
为戏入迷我也一路跟

我在找那个故事里的人
你是不能缺少的部份
你在树下小小的打盹
小小的我傻傻等

*重复

#小小的感动雨纷纷
小小的别扭惹人疼
小小的人还不会吻

重复*

我的心里从此住了一个人
曾经模样小小的我们
当初学人说爱念剧本
缺牙的你发音却不准

我在找那个故事里的人
你是不能缺少的部份
小小的手牵小小的人
守著小小的永恒

I just find this song v.touching..it kinda hits on the nail - wholesale. The tune is composed by the ever-talented jay chou. Its def. a thumbs up. The usage of chinese instruments reminds me of the times in Chinese Orchestra. Yes. I do miss my jc days alot.
The endless fun and tears made up countless worthwhile moments.

Maybe i'm experiencing some mood swing lately. Feeling a lil more emo than usual. Sometimes i feel like the luckiest girl in the world that has almost everything she wants. Yet on the other hand i realised that material satisfaction can never replace emptiness. Its harder to let go of certain things yet its even tougher to accept new characters in ur life. Theres always a benchmark set i guess. Sometimes i do some self-check and wonder if my expectations are really too high. Actually i guess it all boils down to what ur heart tells u. But is the heart always right? The worse thing i realised is that the mind and the heart is always engaged in a tug-of-war. Contradictions. Lies. Denials. Irony. All these make my pessismistic moments. I wished i was just a simple girl. I miss the innocence. Now i know y ignorance is really a bliss.

I miss my grandma alot. I have moved on with life but deep down within, i know i haven't fully gotten over it. If only there was more i could have done for her. I will never forget how much i'm loved.

Yes. Its true that w/o sadness, we will never know how to appreciate the joy in our life.

I know forever is impossible. But i hate reality.

Hearts

2007-06-26T22:15:00.000-07:00

I'm back.. hee. Sorry for failing to keep my promise. I know i have tons to blog about and i've been constantly neglecting my avid fans out there. haha. oh well... i just lost the drive for a while partly becos i was busy and i guess i needed some personal space. blea. thats unlike the perky fz rite? or maybe shes just getting ollldddd.... hahaha. god bless this emo mind of mine. oops. it rhymes. =P

Anyway one good news to share is that i did pretty well this sem. i collected my results slip on Monday! Despite the fact that the overall grades of the whole class dipped...mine improved! i was over the moon! i scored 5 higher distinctions, 2 distinctions and 1 credit! it was definitely a surprise for me... 1 more higher distinction compared to last sem's 4. hee. My hard work really paid off. The many sleepless nights, nerdy wkends spent camping in the libraries and etc. Despite so many things that had happened to me during the crucial period of time and with the big blow when my grandma passed on... i still managed to pull thru' better than b4. =) i believe i'm strong and nothing can bring me down! and of course without my family and esp. good frens, i'll def. be nowhere there.. I will strive harder for the new yr and i know that i am in for more stress... well, just hafta be mentally prepared that my social life will be completely scraped. blah. so much for being labeled as a "social butterfly".

Moving on, with regards to my bangkok trip, i had tons of fun and countless encounters with those..."Hi! Nice to meet *girly pitch* you *manly tone*" haha. u know u know. those that u can find in Changi. haha. But i must say that i really applaud their courage to face this judgemental society. Well, i didn't exactly eat much as u all can see... i was sick thru'out the trip. So that explains the lost of appetite and taking endless doses of medicince despite the fact that i was on a vacation! How ironic huh. =X Well...i can't explain for my low immune system. It just refused to work. Anyway my dad's thai frens brought me around. Oh yah. Did i mentioned that i was assumed of being a thai cos apparantly the thais thought i look like one! haha. This is one interesting fact huh. This comment was drafted on the fact that i look fair and with the relatively similar deep features and big eyes (unlike typical singaporeans)..HAHA. Well, but i dun mind it at all. In fact i really like the thai culture alot. n i can pick up the language pretty quickly. i dun mind marrying one. HAHA.

Here are some pics...feel free to comment. hee. =)

At Grand palace..

The thai me with my Singaporean dad. haha

Alrite...moving on to my bday celebration. All in all there are 3 big ones and 1 mini one in total. And that makes it 4! haha. okie. i'm just cranky.

Anyway as u have read.. i think this is one of the happiest birthday celebration i ever had. On thursday (21-06-07), i met jc.dear and pq.dar at Orchard to shop and then a stopover bitching session at tcc. In the evening, ber and swatch joined us for fine dining at this very classy n pretty Italian restuarant - Ricciotti at Boat Quay. I love the food there n realised that i have this fetish for Italian cuisine! It rox socks man! heee. Then it followed by cam-whoring.. whats new huh? =P There were endless laughter as usual. What with dear's MANY GENIUNE AIRHEAD moments. ahaha! the fact that she JUST found out that Orchard has a library was enough to set the mode for the day. hhaaha. And the classic finger-ticking movement when she pointed at sc. And the "beetle-commotion" on the train n how it died a horrible death minutes later. awww... n ber's DEMAND for her tiramisu from the innocent-looking waiter. haha. As we look back, how i miss our childhood times. It was then when we really had zero worries and responsibilites. All we look forward is to grow up under that shelter. I must say that we were really spoon fed back then...Well, i am so glad that i have this set of sweet memories that will con't to replay even when i grow old in future. trust me, how many out there still remember their childhood frens an actually are still in touch with them? i can proudly say we are the rare few who makes the effort. =)

Hmmn... okie back to the celebration, we had a mini countdown at Loof - an open air pub that i believed was featured by Mediacorp at City Hall. Its definitely an extremely cosy nightspot and a very hot.fav among the ang-mohs. Hmn..n i will never forget the grass drink aka "The Loof life" that tasted minty n very grasssyyyy. I felt like a cow for once... other than the times when i was hot-tempered. haha. And then cam whoring again. hee. Poor swatch was the victim of my crappy ideas. bleah. Anyway dear n i played the fastfood game. And i tot that it was pretty fun! ahaha. i wanna know the carebear one too! okiee... sorry... i am still young at heart okie. hehe. oh yah, i forced them to send me a sms - bday greeting when the clock stirkes 12 becos i will usually keep it in my hp for remembrance. These all the lil things that make me happier when i am down. I get pretty depressed easily lately. dun worry...its just pms i think. But i must say i am quite satisfied with my life now. Anything else is a bonus. =)

p.s: Thanks for the Anna Sui - Dolly Girl! Muacks!

Birthday celebration Part II (22-06-07) -Actual Day.

I had lunch with my family at Shangri-La..my favorite hotel. heee. And then followed by phototaking again. Now u know y i am so vain... becos it's all in the genes. heehee. And then i met darling at Orchard. We shopped around and it was then that i unveil my present. I nearly cried buckets over it. This is the most touching present i have ever gotten! Its a scrapbook containing many of our sweet moments and how we met etc. Now i know y darling asked for my baby pics. Omg... i think i looked really cranky at Far East. But who cares.haha. I was really touched...finally, i experience the true meaning of - tears of joy. Darling really knows me best n what i really want. As we always exclaim, we cannot understand the endless chemistry we share. =) thanks for everything. I must say i finally see that arty-farty inner talent of yours. haha.

Anyway we met my family at Long Beach for the seafood feast. It was yummylicious! And i finally had my ALL-time FAV. BAERKZINN cake!! Thanks ah tes for this expensive gift and surprise. =) And i received well-wishes from many other friends too. Anyway i got this anonymous bday greeting and to my surprise it was Douglas. Hmn...cos he happened to be at Long Beach. Omg. dun tell me it's fate. I rather it didnt happen...anyway its a past not worth mentioning. I still believe in my decision..

i love u all for everything! i always say that. But theres no better word i can use to describe my feelings. =) lala.

Birthday Celebration Part III (24-06-07) - Sunday

I met Daryl for breakfast early in the morning. Wasn't feeling too well then but still i had to make time before he reports for camp againnn. He passed me the birthday present. It was a beautiful snow dome musical box. =) Definitely unique. Well, we did some catching up. And army really does wonders. It was definitely a huge transformation from the Daryl boy we once knew to a mature gentlemen now. wow. i was surprised to see his tan and toned physique. So much for being a commando. i can see that its tough life man. But well, without some training, we will never appreciate what we have right? hee. After that, he walked me home cos i still had many plans for the rest of the day.

Now... i had shooting in the afternoon. I must say that the filming experience was really fun! I learnt many new things n u get really pampered.. i guess this is the only proud thg behind those glam shots other than the hard work.

Alrite after the pretty tiring session... i met joanne and lan at Bugis! These 2 babes really made my day. We had an extremely romantic dinner at Ma-Maison.. this very classy Japanese resturant that serves authentic western food. Aww... thumbs up! Thanks for the prezzie and the special bday card. =) u guys know how much u all mean to me. Do i need to say more? yeahh. And also for the adorable mini-strawberry cake! woohooo... i was literally thrilled by its appearance. haha.

After that ,we moved on to lan's house with BOTH of them (omg... joanne is not as innocent already...haha) tricking me that they had a surprise awaiting me. With their tales that there's this guy who was interested to know me ever since tpjc days.. and whatever. haha. n guessed what? Joanne and i waited below her blk and i was already making plans to hide myself at the least or even drafting my escape routes. haha. And then lan reappeared with a parcel in her hand and trying to ignore our existence. bleahh. haha. Minutes later she passed me the hp and it was Mr. TUNG YAT CHUN !!! Ahh!!! u guys really gave me a heart-attack man!! The first qns i asked him was...where r u? And he said, "At home". I tot he was back in Singapore man. hhahaa. And it was actually a call all the way from Aussie. Aww... i love the pretty earrings, letter and the card. Oh man... u guys tricked me succesfully for once. ahaha. Okie.. so am i demoted to the more gullible position now? haha. This was definitely a very big surprise... cos i tot i was expecting an air parcel this wk not knowing that it already arrived at lan's place b4 my bday. Thats so thoughtful huh. haha. Anyway thanks again for all the effort made! n guess i'll probably be in Aussie in 2009. Because of my results, i'll most prob be awarded with 1 yr of exemptions. =)

Well...to end it, i know that being a yr older also means more responsibilites. And i wished for happiness for everyone. This is simple yet not easily achieved. If u understand what i mean. sometimes i ask myself if i am really worth all that my loved ones had done for me. I am just so blessed. =)

One more thing i learnt. "Its impossible to love someone u once loved before, again."

I have lots more to blog about my current status of life.. so stay tuned. i will retrieve that blogging mood. TO be honest, i have considered switching to a new site cos i tot i just wanna start thgs afresh. Well but this blog had also been with me for 3 yrs plus and i guess i'll miss it becos it records all the ups and downs i experienced. hmnn. we shall see how thgs go. Or perhaps we get sick and tired of routines. For now, still do stay tuned for more upates! cos fz's life is comparable to that of a drama serial..

* i think blogspot has a prob with too many pics, so check out my friendster for more. http://www.friendster.com/user.php or i can send it to u online. haha. Or i'll post it in the next entry.

2007-06-24T08:53:00.000-07:00

Due to the high demand...which goes all the way from Mr.Yat Chun in Aussie who tot i am staying in bangkok for gd... haha..I will brb by tmr for updates on the trip and the endless birthday surprises and fantastic celebrationS! :) haha. Stay tuned yeah. i'll keep u guys in suspense first.

As for now...i only wanna say, I am very blessed! Happiness is the word of my current life..=)

Happy 20th Bday to ME!

2007-06-21T11:17:00.000-07:00

HAPPY 20th Birthday to me!!! hehee.

Thanks for everyone's well wishes...:) brb for more updates real sooney! This yr's a lil diff. cos we did a mini 'countdown' at LoOF. Love it! My lovelies rox~ hee.Oh. n i 'forced' them (wait...did i say force? nah..encourage i meant) haha... to send me bday wishes right in my face for remembrance. haha. If u dun know... fz is an extremely sentimental lil thing. hehe. I keep my bday wishes thru'out the yr. It brightens my day when i look back during down periods...

Anyway, all i wish is for success,happiness for all my loves n to be skinny skinny skinny! haha.

Oh n more money. Better luck in my love life too... HAHA. or perhaps.

Brb. i promise. hee. stay tuned!

=)

2007-06-04T07:20:00.000-07:00

i will brb for my Bangkok updates!

Weee... i am so HAPPY HAPPY today! over the moon! Went shopping with daddyyy... My live ATM! muahaha. Bought 2 pretty NUM tees and a pair of havianas (e white one with colorful butterflies), a dressy princess top from forever 21 and my LEVIS JACKET!!!! yiPPPeee! super GORGEOUS CAN! OH. n a DiVA necklace he chose for me. muahaha. THANK you papa! for spending the BOMB today! muahha. its good to shop with ur folks. Just pick n he pays.hahah. ok. anyway we caught the latest movie, Zodiac. Its pretty exhilarating and definitely keeps u on ur feet most of the time. Definitely a guy kinda show. dectective story line!

n guess WHAT??!! i am SICK SICK again. this is my 3rd time in 2 months. how strong huh. i lost of voice almost completely. And i am now on Chinese medicine. sux.

Anyway, i'll get my new hp tmr... hehe. my long-awaited sony ericsson k810i cybershot is finally out! should i get this or N95 which is like thousand plus??? omg. -faintz-

alrite off to bed. update tmr. blah. i am blabbering nonsense.

sayonara..oOOf to bangkok!

2007-05-10T07:07:00.000-07:00

Yoohooo... hey guys! i am off to bangkok tmr! will be back by next wk i think... most likely its wed. hee. Will be flying on my own to meet deer dad in Bangkok! weee! Anyway, mummy couldn't take leave in time. God bless me man. Cos i am sick again! Went to visit the doc. last min. n now i have to bring a whole pack of med. overseas. Bleah. tot i just recovered from a high fever like 3 weeks ago. N there mummy goes nagging that i am not eating enough(she just didnt see the food entering my mouth) thats y low immune system...bla bla bla...the usual thg. Well, i am not guilty cos my meals are regular. haha. It only left me rebutting... if ppl who eat alot seldom fall sick, then is she trying to tell me that overweight or obese ppl are super healthy??? hmmmn.. ok lame. -_-" hahaha

Anyway, we had a mini surprised Mothers Day celebration in advance by both ah tes and me. Haha. Happy Mothers Day to both mummy and ah tes (aka "mother 2")! Thanks for the inifinite love and care all these while! Despite the ineffective nags and misunderstandings, i presumed it spices up the r/s yeah? Although sometimes i really feel like vomitting blood. haha. Actions speak louder than words...so muackz to my dearest mummy n love ones. Family is like a permanent yet invisible shelter that we often take for granted but they never fail to be there whatever happens... n i am blessed to have truly tasted their moral support...despite the problems and neverending bickers.

Alrite, look forward to my return... dun miss me too much k? hehe. Still hafta catch up with lots of ppl man. Awww... i miss everyone... especially a few special ppl... u jolly well know who u r man. hehe. I will be back with loads of pics using my New Sony Vertical Digital Camera for the first time!!! so excited!! And i hope to shop shop shop my ass off!!

Take good care guys... Meet up soon! love love.
*u guys can still sms or call me... my hp is roaming accessible. =)

Leave me tags too. haha.

Interesting BITES!

2007-04-29T03:13:00.000-07:00

aw... i am FINALLY DONE WITH MY ASSIGNMENTS!!! yeah and that means i am on HOLIDAY BABY!! muacks!

Okie... thanks for everyon'es concern... dun worry, i am feeling better already. =)

Anyway, i should have been in India with my dad now. Its just that he had to leave on the fri, which is the last day of all my shitty assignments last min... so i think i will fly around with him to bangkok, hk and India again soon... hee. business trip and there is dad creating more exposure for ur FUTURE PR~~ hee.

okie... went grooving off at zouk with dear and ber.xian nu at phuture.zouk last nite! Had pretty much fun especially towards the end with the ang mohSS... hehe. *kinky* We had a hilarious time and a GREAT time running away from all those familiar faces. haiz... i am just so sorry to lie to ya. haha. thanks to his v.gd fren aka dear's v.gd fren for pulling me to him huh. shock the shit out of me man. bleah. Anyway, i can see that they had a freaking gd time too.

Alrite...how should i put it, am i in love? sometimes, i am so afraid to face my own feelings man.haha. well... dear readers, u may not understand what i am talking about since i havent been updating. Anyway, i guess its just normal to like the feeling of being loved? i mean i know theres no string attached with this kinda love showered, yet i feel bad for taking people for granted. Hmmn... he's a really nice guy... but perhaps its just like what they always say, maybe the feeling is just not enough for a real stable r/s? Or maybe all these are just excuses.... i admit that i have pretty high expectations... and if this goes on, this vicious cycle will never end man. Its like looking for Mr.Perfect. haha. But as greedy human beings, he's my Mr.Perfect as long as the attraction is there. bleah. Faced with some eye candies, yet sometimes its just not enough to make my lil heart skip a beat. i need that adrenaline rush baby! haha

Hmmn... stop asking me when i will settle down... or perhaps if my dad's business goes well, i may consider asking them to go over with me to Australia as i study there in around 2 years more down the road to complete my honours. And thats of course if i make it to the top 5% of Monash! BRING it ON MAN! or probably i will find meet my Mr.Right there, get married and have many kids. ahahahhaa. ok. thats the plan. i am mad. My mum prefers me to work overseas...she feels that Singapore is too stressful. But i my reply is... my roots are here, this is the place i grew up in and went through lots of sweet and sad times. My dearest friends are here too... well, we shall think about it yeah.

haha. The pressure is on... my status needs a change within this 10 months or so before the NEXT CNY. hoho. i need to bring home someone to show to them... esp. thats dad's well-wishes to me during CNY. haha. well, i'll see to it huh.

okie... for now, let me enjoy my freedom... i am on hols till around july, so its time to date ur gal out peeps!
haha.

brb real soon. i believe my life's gonna be more interesting than this.

Artist:
The pussycat dolls
Song:
Stickwitu

i don't wanna go another day,
so i'm telling you exactly what is on my mind.
seems like everybody's breaking up
throwing their love away,
but i know i got a good thing right here
that's why i say (hey)

(chorus:)nobody gonna love me better
i must stick with you forever.
nobody gonna take me higher
i must stick with you.
you know how to appreciate me
i must stick with you, my baby.
nobody ever made me feel this way
i must stick with you.

i don't wanna go another day
so i'm telling you exactly what is on my mind.
see the way we ride in our private lives,
ain't nobody getting in between.
i want you to know that you're the only one for me (one for me)
and i say

(chorus)and now
ain't nothing else i can need (nothing else i can need)
and now
i'm singing 'cause you're so, so into me.
i got you,we'll be making love endlessly.
i'm with you (baby, i'm with you)
baby, you're with me (baby, you're with me)

so don't you worry about
people hanging around,
they ain't bringing us down.
i know you and you know me
and that's all that counts.
so don't you worry aboutpeople hanging around,
they ain't bringing us down.
i know you and you know me
and that's why i say(chorus x2)

Tell me about it....

Farewell...

2007-03-30T08:46:00.000-07:00

Bid u farewell my dearest grandma. You will always have a special place in my heart. May you rest in peace.

Thanks for all the concern... she passed away early thurs morning.

Heaven - by Meghan Flood

I sit here alone wondering why
Our lives have to end and we all have to die.
We have no idea or no way of knowing
Of when we’ll die or where we’re going
I sit here thinking of the people I’ve lost
Knowing of the pain and misery it’s cost
You could lose a family member or your very best friend
You would have had no idea that it was the end
If we had an idea of when our time would come
You would make the most of it and have some fun
You would cherish those days as much as you could
Forgetting all the bad times and making them good
When those days are over and your time is here
Hold tight to your memories and keep them near
When you rise up to God and the heavens above
Look down and watch over the ones that you love.

-with all my love- adieu.

To the end...

2007-03-25T05:27:00.000-07:00

All prepared for the worst... its no longer counting down months, weeks... now we gotta face the fact that every single day or hour is a bonus. Everything has been arranged and it really pains me to see how my grandma is suffering so much... sooo much that i feel that it's the breaking point.

I am really upset to the point that i can't express how i really feel anymore. This is v.testing...to the extent of tearing that strong independent facade of mine. Its pressurising...imagine each time u receive a phone call or msg from hm...u wonder whats next. All i can do is to pray that she will go off comfortably... i will try to accept the fact. Actually, the most worrying thg is my dearest dad, i am just v.afraid that he might not be able to take the blow. This is the first time i witness the fragile and extremely vulnerable side of the beloved hero in my eyes. It hurts... but theres nothing much we can do about it.

Its the cycle of life... but too cruel for me to face or rather i'm not tough enough to live up to it.

-THAT SLUT SECTION-
On another note...i have a v.bubbly personality and i do not deny that i do get along pretty well with the people around me quite quickly. I guess this is the time when one tends to draw jealousy. It doesn't hurt me that much to unexpectedly realise a person that looked meek and all smiley to be a backstabber and an ultimate fucking bitch. Sorry for being too vulgur. But i am fed up. If u are jealous of not getting any attention, u only have yourself to blame for not living up to the mark. Bring it on man instead of being a sour grapes all the time. If u have something to criticise, i had rather u speak right into my face than be a little coward and be stupid enough not to realise that i am not dumb afterall. I am utterly disgusted. Its really oxymoron. How can u say u hate hypocrites and backstabbers and bitchers in that pathetic cliche profile of urs, when you are pointing the finger at yourself. what a joke..Well, the fact that i can make this particular bitch jealous shows that i must be someone capable and worth looking up to as a competitor. But i am really sorry to say that you are totally OUT OF MY LEAGUE. so pls do stare right into your mirror and do some self-reflection...i pray that it will be successful in case ur poor mirror cracks the moment u look into it. Well... for everything you are unhappy about... thats because u lack it and i HAVE IT. so continue crawling... or maybe u dun even have to TRY. NExt Please.

I am in a terrible mood now. And i promise i can be more vulgur than this. TRY ME man. I wun be surprise that u will die a VIRGIN.

Anyway... SLUT DUMBED aside...

I went out with him on fri for a movie. He surprised me with Royce champagne chocolates and we went for dinner and movie. Hmn. a very sweet person. But wat is that thing thats missing... or maybe i havent given us a chance. Or perhaps, my invisible expectations are working against me again. He's charming for his masculinity n the fact that he's down-to-earth, sincere and caring. But is it the attention that i appreciate or perhaps chemistry isnt there yet? He's definitely bf material.... but one thg, i am not merely looking for a bf. If really so, i would have been attached some time ago. Maybe i think too much... but the thgs happening around me really nutures me into a different person...

Guess studies,family and frens first... the rest i will leave it naturally. If it happens, so be it...

arc-en-ciel aka rainbow

2007-03-03T09:47:00.000-08:00

i am soooo drained from all the assignments. For your info...i am still sick since the first day of cny. GREAT. guess what... my sexy voice is still there and tmr is already the 15th. i lack rest, lack stamina, lack social life (not becos i dun want to...but simply dun have the time to), lack everything you think of... even my brain juice is reaching it's limits. ah!!! and lately i have been daunted with dizzy spells making me feel nauseous the past few days. oh man... i can imagine the plight of those pregnant and suffering from morning sickness. ok... its a lil exaggerated but i am just a full-pledge nerd. Someone pls congratulate me so i that i feel a lil less alienated...bleah.

It's my holidays alrite.. and i am NOT enjoying it at all. I am entittled every right to play, to date but i cannot ignore my pirorities. And so u hear fz's or rather cassandra's rants again...blablabla..bababa black sheep...-_-" oh man.

Staring into the mirror during my own break time in between assignments...i realised how vain and self-conscious i am. But well as a woman i have every rite to be like that. haha. As long as i do not possess a bird-brain.

I have been having weird dreams lately...i wonder why the past keeps haunting the back of my mind. Its like... i have gotten over it eons ago n life is definitely happier now even before the time we met. But somehow i wished we were still frens.haha. so that i can see how shitty his life is compared to mine which DEFINITELY is better off. haha. oOOps. nah... i am just crapping...i dun mean it. just in a lil bitchy mode now. god bless me, for fz is growing! i still sincerely hope that everythg's doing well. If we ever meet again, perhaps we could set the past aside and talk alot more about life..like adults. I am amazed at my own courage. This is a full-proof sign that i have left things behind with no reminence. Anyway i accept gays as frens too. obvious rite. just that i dun wanna be romantically linked to any...or perhaps...anymore to be more accurate.

Thinking back, i realised that things could be better if love blossomed at the right time..maybe it could last a lifetime if that* took place now. hmmn..cos we r more mature i guess. oh well...its all fated. Sometimes its not only falling for the right person that matters, but falling for the right person at the right time is the answer to the equation.

I seem to have a trouble taking all these seriously anymore although deep down inside i know i really want to. Or perhaps i am just not making any effort to commit full pledge simply because my self-interest is more important now. i really wanna work towards a neverending peak and exploit my youth to achieve the most out of it. As i said, i enjoy attention, limelight..anyway who doesn't? But out of these...its gratifying to one's personal ego yet it sacrifices a heart that could give more. hmmn...

brb when i have an answer to the above scenario. hhaha.

wanna thank dar for all the help in my campaign. muACKZ! love u!

OInK

2007-02-20T20:04:00.000-08:00

Happy Chinese New Year everyone! *oinks*

hehe. feeling rich? lALALA

tot i would post this v INTERESTING msn conversation and the MOST hilarious one i had my entire life. Its by this random stranger who attempted to add me online and so the oh-so-playful me decided to do some lil tricks and make fun of him. haha
DESPERADOS deserve MORE than this mah. Its just an "appetizer" i'mn gonna serve. bleah. After reading, pls tell me whether i sound MAN enough. haha. to convince that lao CHEE KOH PEK. argh. gonna block him for GOOD.

I love chocolates.... says:
hi

:.'*'[f.Z]'*'.: my personal angel. r u? says:
u r?

I love chocolates.... says:
guy from singaore

I love chocolates.... says:
saw ur email somewhere on net

I love chocolates.... says:
thought could get to know u

:.'*'[f.Z]'*'.: my personal angel. r u? says:
haha...have we met?

I love chocolates.... says:
not yet

:.'*'[f.Z]'*'.: my personal angel. r u? says:
okie...from where did u see my add?

I love chocolates.... says:
somewhere on teh net

I love chocolates.... says:
forgot

I love chocolates.... says:
sorry

I love chocolates.... says:
can we be friends

:.'*'[f.Z]'*'.: my personal angel. r u? says:
sure...

:.'*'[f.Z]'*'.: my personal angel. r u? says:
nice to meet u

I love chocolates.... says:
same here

I love chocolates.... says:
im 32 m

I love chocolates.... says:
u mind

:.'*'[f.Z]'*'.: my personal angel. r u? says:
i'

:.'*'[f.Z]'*'.: my personal angel. r u? says:
i'm 29 m here

I love chocolates.... says:
i thought u gal

:.'*'[f.Z]'*'.: my personal angel. r u? says:
i tot u gL

I love chocolates.... says:
haha

I love chocolates.... says:
wat luck bro

:.'*'[f.Z]'*'.: my personal angel. r u? says:
wats up man

:.'*'[f.Z]'*'.: my personal angel. r u? says:
haha

:.'*'[f.Z]'*'.: my personal angel. r u? says:
gay...

I love chocolates.... says:
looking for gal

:.'*'[f.Z]'*'.: my personal angel. r u? says:
chatting up some gal huh

I love chocolates.... says:
trying to

I love chocolates.... says:
u gay?

:.'*'[f.Z]'*'.: my personal angel. r u? says:
trans

:.'*'[f.Z]'*'.: my personal angel. r u? says:
haha

I love chocolates.... says:
really?

:.'*'[f.Z]'*'.: my personal angel. r u? says:
ur ass la bro

:.'*'[f.Z]'*'.: my personal angel. r u? says:
straight

I love chocolates.... says:
ok

I love chocolates.... says:
all the best

:.'*'[f.Z]'*'.: my personal angel. r u? says:
same to u. n u havent told me how u got my ADD MAN

And so..BECAUSE to him i am 29 M... he just left the conversation... haha. TRYING to trick Fz? It wun happen even in his next life IF he ends up a human being or most probably end up being a MOSQUITOE. i promise to smack it! haha. dumBO.

okie...got so many activities lined up. i had better have good time management! DO ASSIGNMENT!!! n oh...i am down with a pretty bad sorethroat... bleah.

brb...keep merrying everyone!

-_-

2007-02-15T07:33:00.000-08:00

i just realised that i am a lil insecure... weird to hear this from my mouth huh? bleah...i am not joking. cos i dun know y i am pretty sensitive to ppl's comments about me... esp. if words are twisted n put into my mouth once again. i cannot tolerate being misunderstood... so yup yup..although the rumour is passe..like last season's 'hot crap' but it came back haunting me when someone randomly tried to clarify his hearsays today...

if i am really so confident that i dun need ppl to reassure me.. then y am i so affected?? hmn.. is it a form of me being defensive over the barrier of wall i had 'built' to protect my inner me? bleah... shall try not to allow my bewildered tots overwhelm me...

I guess its hard to avoid both compliments or less positive comments as a person becomes more high profile as the day passes... esp. in the participation of corporate video ad and the debate thingy... its as though i am ONE of the new faces on the block to be noticed. Suddenly, i seem to know almost any other lecturer or staff who will smile to me simply becos they recognise dumb fz... n vice versa. bleah. haha.

anyway.. i finally admit to myself that i am a person that loves attention and having the spotlight on me most of the time. Is tis a sign of me being too competitive, self-demanding or maybe an over-achiever... seee..i am thinking too much again. But maybe its true.

i feel like a celebrity on her fan pg and in the tabloid... now i know that it sux, cos u lose some personal space...i

i feel like crying out loud...but i dun know whats holding me back.

Anyway.. i wish for some enlightenment... god help me!!
haiz.

okie..these are some pics taken on vday..with our potluck party n chocolate cake smashing n whatsnot.. all the rubbish la. n mass com students can never stop talking about SEX. They all contain raging hormones; visually, mentally n whatever u can think of. i wonder how we can link it to our lecture EVERY lesson... haha. but oh well... its fun anyway. Lets just spice thgs up!

n i 'bumped' into someone on vday. yupp...no details shall be disclosed. -looks around-

brb rite b4 chinese new year... pls stay tune! hee.

muackz

2007-02-13T08:00:00.000-08:00

GOOD NEWS!!!!!! muahaha... okie...although my team lost in the debate ystd, i was awarded with the BEST DEBATOR AWARD!!! yiPPPeee... my FIRST such win my whole academic life during my FIRST official public debate (excluding inofficial class debates) hee... thanks for everyone's encouragement and for the team effort too. It was pretty unexpected because i was just a dark horse among the 2 hot fav. who were supposedly the potential candidates for this award. hee... my efforts are finally not gone to waste.. Fz must continue to excel n put in 101% of effort. Wee... i was over the moon and still there.. haha. Also thanks for the many congratulations and warm hand shakes. =)

Anyway, HAPPY VALENTINES DAY! to u to u to u.. yes its YOU! hee. =)

more updates sooney..

=X

2007-02-11T02:23:00.000-08:00

i am scared. i am stress. i am feeling incompetent. i have no confidence in tmr's stuff. i am pessismistic for the FIRST TIME ever in my near 2 decades of life. bleah.

heck... gonna just do MY THING and pray and hope.

Hmmn... just a lil news to share with u guys.. as u all know that i am gonna head in the direction of working as a PR in the media industry or advertising company in future... and my interesting lecturer actually came up with a MEDIA name for me.

CASSANDRA LEONG!

hehe.. i kinda love it... my class kinda love it...any feedbacks?
Cassandra originates from that of a Trojan Princess and it also means 'she who entangles her men'
haha.. note..its MEN.. not MAN.

And my teacher think that it kinda suits me... according to her, she says its a name thats strong, loud, wild and with CHARACTER. haha. okie... i didnt know that i do give ppl this kinda impression. Actually i can just be ur sweet little shy darling... muahaha.. i'm not a meanie all the time. lalala.

haiz.. i am so fatigue from the pressure i am giving myself academically. Yet theres nothing i can do about it. One thing for sure, i hate ppl to tell/persuade me to do things after i have stated uncountable times that its against my wishes. I have my reasons dude...

i know whats important to me... and maybe i am just a v.difficult person to be with at times, cos i expect alot from myself and it ends up affecting the ppl around me. And maybe i am just plain stubborn... the more a person fights to get my attention, i more i will refuse and drift away UNLESS its a mutual feeling. After so many hints that there is no possibility for any progress... i just dun understand y some ppl just dun get it...

Its scary ya know... of cos i love ALL my frens.. its unquestionable. BUT when this particular someone just tries too hard n ends up making me feeling that he is possessive..i mean i have my own freedom to choose who i wanna go out with during my free time and what kind of people i would love to spend time with in my social circle. I dun need anyone to advise me about it and to inform my whereabouts to UNLESS i am attached to u... or else seriously its v.irritating.

i have been trying to be v.tactful with this person who has always been there for me.. and i am really sincerely v.grateful for that... But sometimes, gratitudes aside, there is always a fine line between friendship and our own privacy. i think the respect for personal space is v.important.

Sometimes keeping a suitable distant from each other is more appealing at least in my opinion... being less pushy and giving each other time works better. At least it wun kill all the mystery and possibility for something to develop between u and the opposite gender. dun ya agree?

When the time is ripe..naturally everything will fall into place i assume.
I value the importance of chemistry in a r/s. The main reason being..its either u and i share it, or simply dun.

And i am really sorry to give the impression that i am a lil cold. Cos there are times when i love spending time alone to sort my tots out...this is an important ritual for me.

And NOPE i am not turning away love. i dislike it when this someone just tries to act as though he reads my mind.

I want to be loved. I love companionship. I treasure the blooming passion and intimacy that a couple share. Most importantly, i must be able to love u as well. Cos its always a 2 way ticket.

I am not that difficult to love, impress or pursuit ya noe?
Under that strong facade thats filled with personality as some ppl perceive, i am still an ordinary gal doing her thing.

hmmn... enough of rants.. will brb for vday updates.
*Angel and Mortal*

hehe.

Luckily this blog is safely guarded by the password... no worries, i am just grumbling n whatever mentioned above is in no relation with u peeps who have access to this precious blog. hehe.

take care.... the bottomline of my life is not only all about achievements but the celebration of LOVE, PASSION and HAPPINESS. I'm a typical Cancerian afterall. =)

2007-02-08T07:18:00.000-08:00

i am having an extremely BAD DAY today..i really dun know how to put it...but for the so-called debate 'rehearsal' today.. i felt totally unprepared n fz jolly well know that she has under-performed. i know that i am definitely capable of more than that. i am pissed*

Theres no reason for us to lose to the opposition party..so since the actual is not here yet, we had better salvage the whole situation.

HIT AND RUN HIT AND RUN! bang bang bang... we just need subtle SOLID points to shut them up.

okie.. i am v.upset right now... just lost it. never felt so tongue tied b4 cos its not the first time i am doing a class debate anyway..its just that its more official now as the SCHOOL will be viewing it. argh whatever.

life sux.

i wished i can take everything with a pinch of salt. BUT fz hasn't been this way and i doubt she will ever adopt this mindset. My perfectionist nature is working against me.... it stresses me when i am stuck but is a form of gratification when i excel.

everythings contradicting...

lets pray that tmr's SOS meeting will do miracles.

At best i wanna win with glory... at worst i rather lose with dignity!

A beautiful facade

2007-02-05T07:36:00.000-08:00

Many strangers had walked in and out of my life before. Some were simply not meant to be, few left a lasting impression. But there were only 2 that changed my perspective...probably thats what u call love...

Moral of the story: saviour every moment before u realise that its gone.

whatever it is, i guess i have no regrets in the choices i make ultimately because i have learned to be more realistic and down-to-earth.

Gonna turn twenty this yr... i dun have any time for lala land kinda stuff. Its mentally draining and i have more important goals to accomplish. Not trying to be selfish, but maybe this is a good age for us to explore our ambitions and build a stepping stone in preparation for a bright future awaiting us.

this is what i really want.

As much as i think that companionship is extremely important, but considering about the price to pay n the sacrifices...i'll leave it to nature.

i just wanna lead a normal life. Just wanna be happy... i know that its all in the mind. Our mind controls our mood swings. So fz had better maintain/increase the will power to sustain everything she already has.

i'm not that strong as i may seem. Sometimes i'm just v.fatigue from the whirl of problems revolving around me. Family, academic demands and whatsnot. i'm just good at masking it.

I'm not that naive/silly..its just that i choose to close one eye at times as long as i know that it will do me some good.

I'm not just a pretty vase as some may jokingly comment. mind u i have brains... n am glad that its proven!

I'm pretty confident...but there are no doubts that i do have insecure days just like any normal person do.

I may appear bubbly..but thats probably how i wanna make ppl around me happy.

I may appear quiet when my assignment deadlines are drawing near..but thats when the stress gets on my nerve and just dun wanna face it.

I may appear optimistic...but this will probably account for only half the time..while the remaining leaves me in denial.

I may appear loud and talkative..but thats when the voidness gets the most out of me...

I may smile and laugh 3/4 of the time...but out of these times, there are moments i just wanna breakdown and be a crybaby.

how well does anyone understand me?

guess only i know myself best...

2007-02-04T08:00:00.000-08:00

hmn...i share the same sentiments as jc.dear. In a way, i realised that there are some things in life that just wouldn't turn out the way i want it to be. I used to think that i have the ability to get anything i wanted as long as i work for it... but still the picture's never perfect. Oh well..i hope to overcome it.. but thats me..i get really disappointed pretty easily when my expectations are not met. My mummy thinks that maybe i shouldnt take everything too seriously... well, guess i'll try.

Anyway, I dun know if i should turn up for the concert next wkend? it sounds like a vday thingy kinda hint*. BUT i dun wanna cause any misunderstanding... guess its not right to give the wrong signal since the feeling is not mutual... but i wonder if it will affect the r/s...or rather friendship...

yup yup yup...time to take out fz's dictionary of tactful words. haha.

brb. got thousand and one endless list of stuff to complete.

but i'm sure its mission POSSIBLE. i hope.

2007-02-01T18:32:00.000-08:00

hmnn...received this from tis random person i wun name... tot that it was pretty meaningful and thought provoking..

"To love is to risk rejection, to live is to risk dying, to hope is to risk failure. But risk must must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is risk nothing! To reach for another is to risk involvement, to expose your feelings is to expose true self, to love is to risk not to be loved in return. How to define love: fall but do not stumble, be constant but not too persistent, share and never be unfair, understand and try not to demand, hurt but never keep the pain.

Don't find love, let love find you. That's why it's called falling in love because you don't force yourself to fall. You just fall. You cannot finish a book without closing it's chapters. If you want to go on, then you have to leave the past as you turn the pages.

Love is like a knife. It can stab the heart or it can carve wonderful images into the soul that always last for a lifetime. Love is supposed to be the most wonderful feeling. It should inspire you and give you joy and strength. But sometimes the things that give you joy can also hurt you in the end. Loving people means giving them the freedom who they choose to be and where they choose to be. For all the heartaches and the tears, for gloomy days and fruitless years, you should give thanks, for you know, that there were the things that helped you grow.

Loving someone means giving him the freedom to find his way, whether it leads towards you or away from you. Love is a painful risk to take but the risk must be taken no matter how scary or painful, for only then you'll experience the fullness of humanity and that is love. Only love can hurt your heart, fill you with desire and tear you apart.

The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can't go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

Life's short, if you dont look around once in a while, you might missed it.. Some people make the world SPECIAL just by being part of it.. "

Anyway, i am off for 4 free days straight!! i was on the way to school today when i received a msg that all lessons are cancelled cos my lecturer is sick. hmn..lets pray that she gets well soon.

Fz is so stressed!!*screams* Whats new rite? cos i expect alot from myself. i can't help it. Am i pushing myself too hard? cos i dun wanna give my chance any excuse to slacken...not as though i am doing so...but excellent results come with an inexhausitible price tag. It comes in a package of joy and fulfillment but brings amounting pressure for a perfectionist nature like me...

Guess i'll just do my best and leave it to nature. At least this is dad's best advice. hmn. And theres a high likelihood that i will by flying over to Melborne in my last sem...but no worries, i'll still stick around in Singapore for 2 more yrs b4 this happens.. yup... brb.

*SOS!!

WoOOhOO

2007-01-25T07:20:00.000-08:00

Okie!!!Finally back for some quick updates!

alrite...firstly, wanna apologise to all those outings that i have turned down prior to my EXTREMELY undefined pack schedule. bleah. =X

Hmn... ok..one good news to share!!! i finally got my results for the 1st sem n am so happy that i did pretty well...way exceeding my own expectations!!! Woohoo.. it looks as though i should call for a celebration BUT i dun have the time to... n shall not be too satisfied about it... shall continue to FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT n pull up my socks and EVERYTHING else! hahaha. Fz shall work harder n smarter to achieve more out of my capability! GAMbaTTE!! heee...=)

ANyway, i was informed today that i am one of those chosen ( not sure its lucky or unfortunate though) to front the AD for my school this year aka corporate video to promote for my sch. so yah... photos were taken and i have to go for filming in the library tmr... oh man... i think i will look damn ugly on screen. bleah...cant imagine seeing myself...i pray that they wun upload it online to my sch website... or else i'll be so dead... hahaha. fz shy mah. lalalla.

okie... on a personal note...i just realised how 'blind' fz is in life... shun elaborate cos i dun know where to begin with too... alrite, its bad to lose someone quite dear for the past 6 months last year.. losing a fren or rather more than that...hmmn...A new year and indeed a new beginning. Many things and r/s have changed. SOme for the worst, others for the better. Hmn... i would say that i appreciate what i have now n theres nothing i can ask for more..just to accept things the way it is... but overall i am super stressed, a lil moody but considerably pretty happy. haha.

Alrite and i have been VERY clumsy and accident prone lately. I actually fell on the escalator rather chasing after the damn train..leaving two BEAUTIFUL blue blacks on my leg.. luckily they are not scratches..oh man... i hope that it will subside soon... its not only unsightly for a mini skirt lover like me... but worst, its v.painful.. aw...

oh yah.. wanna thank dar for the digicam! muackz! lovelove.

wishing for more insights into fz's life? stay tuned! hehe.

2007-01-06T21:58:00.000-08:00

i love the interesting new modules that keeps my creative vibes oozing... but this sem makes me feel that i am selling my life away. Argh! the new schedule is super taxing with sch EVERYDAY... n at least 4 FULL days of lessons wkly... mind u, its 4 FULL DAYS!!!!!! ah!!! *strangles*

okie... enough said. I gotta practise good time management...thats it. fz had better stay FOCUS! n stop thinking about unnecessary stuff before IMH membership becomes applicable...bleah. I love the freedom i have. Shall enjoy it till it lasts. Dun ask me what i want in a guy.. cos i dun know myself n have NO TIME to figure out. lalala. *lies* But i know what i dun want in a guy. so pls DO NOT apply if u r indecisive, bitchy, someone with low self-confidence and MOST IMPORTANTLY... GAY. haha. Dun claim that u r charming, cos i will know it, if u have IT. hmmm...

Silly indulgence.

2007-01-03T07:19:00.000-08:00

The best new people i ever met in 2006 are him, Alicia and b1.

Happy New Year 2007!

2006-12-31T21:15:00.000-08:00

Woohoo... Happy New Year everyone!!! May 2007 be an optimistic year filled with fun, love, happiness, hope n many wonderful things we wish for... =)

Hmn... fz is FINALLY back to blogging again. haha. Firstly, i wanna thank all of u for the support and encouragement... life's never easy neither will it always remain tough... all we can do is to keep looking forward into the future. A new beginning is always positive n i've learnt that holding back will just haunt us even more. Well... to sum up, we hafta just keep believing in ourselves in order to convince the poeple around us that we can excel as well or even better. Therefore, ONE of my New Year resolutions is to prove myself n outshine the rest...=)

Okie dokey.. shall do a short recap about 2006..

Dearest bloggy... as i would affectionately address, haha

2006 had been filled with countless ups and downs as usual, but it was the time when i finally break out from my comfort zone and learnt to experience the real taste of life. I had became more independent, confident and a person who know what she really wants... although tis journey of self-discovery will never end...=) I had my share of endless fun, clubbing, chionging v.hard for my assignments,working and even forging many plationic friendships that i strongly believe will lasts a lifetime. I had a chance to meet people from all walks of life during the 2 vacation jobs i was in... It gave me a good chance to reflect and learn from the success and mistakes from many more professionals out there who have already carved out a niche for themselves. I look forward to graduate and start a wonderful career too... n i still have many dreams i wanna fulfill...

At dfs, i have met wonderful colleagues of different ages. Learning to mingle and make merry with them has been great. Sometimes, its hard to believe how unexpected human relations can be forged. Honestly, i can hardly believe that i will still be closely keeping-in-touch with all of them.. especially my precious other half aka b1. hehe.

Well.. and i am v.grateful that my choice of the Mass Comm. course has been most apt for me. Its really something i will wanna venture in for life. Learning how to act, write scripts, film, the history of media, documentaries, analysing world events and being well-equipped with general knowledge and the news... This course has changed my perspective. Perhaps, its due to my passion for it... the countless nlb visits and researches were v.taxing but never a chore. Being in such a prestigious course as many would commonly view Monash to be can be quite stressful yet its under stress when it pushes me to my limits and stretches my potential. And most importantly.. my uni friends. They are a bunch a people who have been a pretty good influence especially with the clinque of around 10 that i hang out with. We play hard and work hard.. isn't that the key to everything? hee. Furthermore, i have found a close friend that i would call as my bestie too. My A.darling! hmm. sometimes i just can't understand fate... anyway no one does. But its amazing how such a close bond can be forged in just a short period of 4-5 months... we share many things in common n the endless telepathy n the sentiments we share is unbelieveable. =)

Well.. some things have changed too. Hmn.. somehow i've learnt how to let go. Learnt to get my priorities rite. As what someone told me... just keep focused n concentrate on whatever i am doing and the rest will just flow in naturally. Theres no point thinking too much because the time spent doing this have been wasted. It could be used into many more meaningful activities. yeah.. thats really true... Cos i wanna sieze my youth n achieve as many things as possible. As always, i wanna live my life with no regrets. =)

Alrite.. in a way i have mature yet became more materialistic too. i do not deny that the pursuits for brands has became more significant in my life n tis holiday has been one whereby i have added a few more to my collection. hmmn... guess its the stage of life b4 we officially enter the working force for good n embrace more material goodness out of it. haha. But i'm gonna be more self-discipline as well...

okie.. lets welcome the new year with a smile n may all of u be blessed with good health and enjoy this splendid beginning!

brb... aw.. and sch starts on the 3rd for me... the hols hasn't been that short for me, at least i felt that it was a meaningful one. i am excited n looking forward to my new modules such as advertising and PR.

yup yup... and i wanna be a better daughter, friend and person in this whole new episode of 2007.

loves all of u. =)

2006-12-07T01:48:00.000-08:00

Everything revolves around my family now. All i can do is to put in my best n play my role well as a grand daughter. Although she looks fine yet weak now... we all know that its just a matter of time. It hurts me so much to see how heart-broken my dad is. My grandma's deteriorating condition is only dependent on medicine to prolong her life now. Its not a cure. Her kidney is failing with 10% function left... I will try hard to be strong n learn to accept, cos its a part of life.

I couldnt help breaking down each time i receive such bad news... I cannot bear to let her go...

And about him... no matter how hard i try to forget... it doesn't seem to work. Countless self-reminders that he's only a close fren can't seem to extinguish the expectation i have ( knowing that i am in no position to think about it anyway). I just dun know y... i am numb... Received a msg n call from him ystd after a long time...dun seem to be a sweet or especially happy thing anymore. Because i give up. But how come i can't stop thinking about it... Apart from deleting the msgs he sent n not leaving a trace of him around... still... wat is so special about him?

I can't confirm my feelings because i am confused too.

I dun want anything... its enough. (fz's talking to herself)

I need to be alone.

2006-11-25T07:41:00.000-08:00

hmn... my grandma's in hospital AGAIN... this time it really freak the max out of fz, leaving me totally speechless. I was in a state of shock then. I recalled how helpless i was as i dialled for the ambulance. Traumatised n anxious especially when my dad called back from the A & E to inform me that things didnt look too good for her n he requested for all of us to rush down immediately. Omg. i really tot that i'm gonna lose her for good this time round. Thank God... for granting her more time.

Alrite... so i have been rushing all over the place these days. I am just fed up over some unreasonable ppl which i find too redundant to mention. I realised how much i love freedom these days.. that i dislike any possessive intentions by some ppl. But of cos not referring to my family or any of u.. my beloved frens who haf access to this blog~ hee. So no worries yeah.

Its weird if i say tis.. i believe 3/4 of u will doubt this. pls dun. muahaha. i realised that i have kinda lost the clubbing spirit/craze lately. Its a new change in me arh? haha. The tot is there... but i dun seem to have the motivation to do so. Hmn... is this a sign of growing up? hehee. However, i still dun mind grooving to the beats of the hottest music in town la. haha. -_-#

I am learning to shower more attention towards my family n i believe that i will try my best to seize every opportunity to be more dedicated. Something just struck me on how important it is for me to learn to carry responsibilities n stop taking advantage of the fact that i am still young n schooling. Cos i jolly well know that i'm not a kid anymore. Hmmn.. i used to spend majority of my time with my frens.. to the extent of forgoing family gatherings. ahem.... looks like the constant reflection is doing some gd on the attitude n priorities of fz. hehee

anyway... i will update soon. There are tons of activities to attend next wk. hmn. n i think i will turn up for the chess club chalet too. time to catch up as well. i miss alot of ppl...yeah.. ALOT. haiz.

Thanks for all the encouragement my dear frens! tomorrow will be a better day. i hope.

neither here nor there. thats it.

2006-11-20T08:17:00.000-08:00

i have a NEW ADDICTION, n thats exercising or rather dance aerobics. haha. sporty new me~ The muscle strain is becoming a treat instead of a torture each time. n its great to experience the lil improvements n results over a period of time. i wun give up!

Well... something has been weighing my mind v.often lately. Its clogging my tots that at times i feel like hiding in my comfort zone just like a hermit crab n wished that i could escape from problems FOREVER. i know its a total bullshit.

Does platonic friendships really exist? Many say yes. I try, or have tried... it's true for most but there are times when theres a tendency for us to cross the fine line between close 'good' frens n more. How come it takes forever for me to figure out whats going on in this person's mind? This is the first time i actually have difficulty reading someone. Its not as though i am an expert. But it's this curosity that keeps churning in me.

Its the hols... n lucky me, its a good time for me think things through. Theres so many problems and i am learning to handle all these responsibilites and committments. Its part and parcel of life as messed up as it may seem i guess. Although i always 'chant' that i believe in fate and our lives are pre-destined, but there are moments when i qns the things that are happening around me. BEcos i simply can't or need time to accept things or people the way they had evolved into.

I have made up my mind and guess its time i take the intiative to pull out because its really depressing to harp on dangerous issues so-called "platonic r/s"...

I had my share of indulgence but i realised that its not gonna take me far.

Hopefully i am strong-minded to stay by my choice even though many of the times it proves to no avail.

my greatest enemy is my mind. i figured it out. Its up to me to control how i wanna feel. And its time fz must stop trying to find excuses for herself.

brb.
...
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid...

Am i just a good friend?

2006-11-13T07:57:00.000-08:00

Apparently i am kinda in a pissed mode rite now.. not sure if its pms or whatever shit. yup.
Just let me yank... argh. thank you.

Holidays are really fun n much better than neverending assignments and overwhelming projects, but somehow... i miss going to sch. ha ha. yah. my toes r laughing too.
I have been attending Amore regularly and its all kinda pre-arranged. Thus this also means that i have pretty tight schedules as well.. cos its kinda fixed. There are ppl asking me out... esp. this week... which coincidentally i dun know y its such a fav. timing whereby everyone returns from overseas, with tons of parties and more. Exciting? of cos~ definitely! But... my other catch-up sessions are starting to screw up my so-called 'holiday schedule' this wk. haiz. With meetings postponed due to last min. crop ups... ending up... my supposed occupied days=kinda free and intended empty days turn out pack. omg. i cannot be running around to 3 events in 1 day!! This dun make sense... bleah.

And its my fault too. cos i can't make up my mind. so everything's not confirmed. i cant give any definite answers to anyone. cos life still has to go on for me.. as in my regular activites~ -faintz- pardon me.. if i sound really bitchy here. -_-"

Or maybe i shouldn't have planned out my activites. But one of my aims this hols is also to pick up better time management skills. So yeah... it takes 2 hands to clap. And the fact that i am frustrated also shows that i need to learn how to be more versatile. Perhaps i am just too greedy for time or that perfectionist nature is working against me yet again~

my dad commented that i am v.independent now. However, i wonder if this is a good thing. Although it seems more to be like a compliment, but i hope that this independence wun detach me too much from the ppl around me and my surroundings. Sometimes i realised that the strong determination in me to achieve somethg is starting to freak me out a lil. My aim to shape up this hol maybe affecting my family's lifestyle too. For example the diet we eat... etc. Am i becoming too strict with myself? I cant explain this change as well. i am just trying to stay focus n at least not be aimless.

Lastly... i tot i can lead my life normally w/o expecting more. But i'm so wrong. As the time draws nearer, i realised how much a person can matter to u. Perhaps all of us are still searching i guess... i dun deny that there r times i am unsure too. But i do already like life the way it is. At least i am beginning to adapt to the changes around me and learning to appreciate what i have.

-flamboyant- aw...

Maybe none of u reading this can answer this qns...

Is it possible for someone to fall for 2 persons at the same time?

2006-11-08T06:44:00.000-08:00

Don't - Kelly Clarkson

You look at me,
Like you always do.
You don’t have a clue.
You smile at me,
You hug me,
But you don’t know I want you.
You play with me,
You flirt with me,
You tell me all your secrets.
I’m always the one you run to,
but to you I’m just your friend.

Don’t say I love you,
Don’t say you need me,
Don’t say I trust you,
My heart cant take it.
Don’t say you want me,
Don’t say you miss me,
Don’t hurt me.
Don’t say you love me.

Ooooh ooooh no… no.. nooo.

I try my best to rid these thoughts,
Of you and I it’s so hard.
When come to me,
I fall back on my knees.
I learned to hate love.
You kiss me on the cheek,
You say you’d never make it without me.
It’s getting harder everyday.
Please don’t say to me,

Don’t say I love you,
Don’t say you need me,
Don’t say I trust you,
My heart can’t take it.
Don’t say you want me,
Don’t say you miss me,

Don’t hurt me.
Don’t say you love me.

Don’t say you love me.
Don’t say you love me.
Don’t say you love me.
Don’t say you love me.

My heart cant take it.
I love you so much.
But you don’t see me.
I hate love.

Don’t say I love you,
Don’t say you need me,
Don’t say I trust you,
Unless you mean it.
Don’t say you want me,
Don’t say you need me,
Don’t hurt me.
No…

Don’t say I love you,
Don’t say you need me,
Don’t say I trust you,
My heart cant take it.
Don’t say you want me,
Don’t say you miss me,
Don’t hurt me.
Don’t say you love me.

hmmm...
checked out the pics below? feel free to tag...

2006-11-06T02:40:00.000-08:00

okie dokey... just ended the first session at AMORE! learnt latin, cha-cha and salsa today!!! omg... it was damn exciting n most importantly amusing... since i attended the afternoon session today with majority of the TAI TAIS... muahaha. nah. u know what? i dun aspire to be like them. really i mean it. Some looked friendly while the others were looking way too cocky, arrogant or should i say "over-confident"?? haha. Alrite... made a couple of new friends who are also from uni. woohoo... kinda fun... n extremely vigorous!! i think by the end of the year... if i attend AMORE conscientiously plus a strictly well-planned diet... i hope to achieve somethg...haha. heard that its effective if u maintain. okie. off for 'New Body' lesson tmr. it focuses on the lifting of weights. wee...

i have a clash of plans on sat. Should i turn up for a ns-farewell party? or a 21st bday party? my oh my. i really dun know. Both looks equally important neh. =X

Trick or treat?!

2006-11-05T18:29:00.000-08:00

Woohoo... i'm back... gonna try posting some halloween pics for the first time ever on this blog! haha. sit back n enjoy~

some say we look alike.. haha. wacky witches on the run~!
my crappy loves... fun-loving, crazy, cranky, spastic...u name it, we have IT! haha
=)
hoho... halloween at clark quay... but it could be MORE happening!
rose among the thorns... ooops...hee.

arhuh. great pics isn't it??? hehe. gonna venture into photoblogging real soon. Anyway, i signed up for a 3mths unlimted package at Amore. hoho. Gonna exercise my way thru the hols since i dun think i will be working in such a short term. hehe. Today's my v.first lesson n in a few weeks time they are gonna send me down for a free 1-1 session with a personal trainer. woohoo.. i am all ready and excited! Gonna shop, tan, tone up, catch-up, give tuition this hols! hope to see the results...haha. -cross fingers-.

Everyday... i just wake up with a qns in mind... "What am i gonna do today?". haha. alrite.. i have tons of plans in mind. X'mas is nearing... and there are parties to attend! pls make advance bking with fz. hahaha. hmm...waiting for someone to be back too...-_-

okie... for now, i have all the time in the world to blog. SO stay tuned. lala.

2006-10-28T10:33:00.000-07:00

My granduncle passed away.. may he rest in peace. He will always be etched in our hearts.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
alrite.... sad stuff aside, i am finally on holiday!!! yippee! -lovelove-

Went to vivo city finally! my beloved frens.. how we love to play water at the sky park n bump around toys a'rus and wished we 'died' in candy empire. hehe. -insider joke-

hmn.. looking forward to our hari raya visiting tmr and halloween party on the coming tuesday! wee.. all boys and girls should be dressed in witch and wizard hats as we proudly align ourselves in The Cathay cinema and block the view of the rest of the audience. hehe. -evil- Trick or treat? hmn.. can i be granted both?

Anyway, had lunch with this v.special person who gave a v.surprise treat... thanks for everything. =)hmn.. bakerzinn is a great place to be at; with ambience to die for.. and heavenly desserts that can send u straight to paradise almost immediately. Gonna officially label it as the most memorable lunch for the year 2006!hee.

After that i went down to nus to look for dear!~ aw... love the hostel there man. The neighbours were quite friendly too. And dear n i nearly got lost in Queensway. haha. took an idiotic bus with an intention to dine in IKEA. But ended up,*TADA* we overshot. And so... we had to cross this ulu pandang over-head bridge where i grabbed my dear like a walking stick. haha. And we overshot the second time AGAIN! woohoo. how smart. But its fated that we managed to drink the oh-so-SUPERB DURIAN JUICE! exotic man~~~~~the stall uncle was super friendly. They even have a namecard. ahaha. steady man~

Okie.. n so we had a pretty good dinner at IKEA and as usual.. we took cab! haha. BOTH of us were already in a stoning mode n swearing off our minds that we are completely SHAG!
Anyway.. its time i catch some beauty sleep n do more catching up too. the latest outing finally made me smile.... from the bottom of my heart again. haha. mushy. i know.

AND dearest YAT CHUN!!!!!!! i received ur letter already!!! thanks alot! i am so touched man~ u are greatly missed... cant wait to meet up with u all soon...

brb! i mean it.

2006-10-25T20:29:00.000-07:00

Happy BirThdAy my dEAREST JOAnNe!!!

This is a belated entry. haha. The lucky thing is that i managed to send ya the msg on the actual. =)

Love ya n may u always be blessed with happiness! Join the league.. as we sit back and await the number twenty. aw... gonna be apart of the aging population in a few decades time. haha.

brb for more updates real soon... 1 more day to slog my hell life away... bleah. Gonna start playing hard sOON!

-smile, laugh, cry, shout... becos u r human too.-

2006-10-15T02:41:00.000-07:00

i am just a emoqueen. Everything seems to be falling inevitably and crashing onto me. I will soon no longer take it. I try v.hard to hang on. Maybe my life has been too smooth-sailing till its time i learn to gather my own wreckage. I am losing my breathing space. I doubt I can handle the stress... its just a facade u see.

I wanna let go. I promise i will. Love RECTANGLE/LOVE SQUARE OR worst..LOVE HEXAGON is not my forte and will never be. its damn sickening. its complex enough. I dun believe in fighting for something in this field. I trust fate. Yet i doubt it sometimes. oxymoron. save me.

conclusion. i need urgently to re-navigate myself for the next entire week as i foresee the heightening stress level. Its to the power of infinity. oh man. i am not kidding. Bring out the confidence and determination LFZ!!! it's my daily "conscience-chant". I must not burn out.. although it's already flickering.

mass com. is my pirority.

2006-10-14T11:43:00.000-07:00

its over. nope. it didn't even begin in the first place.

2006-10-13T09:04:00.000-07:00

Life SUX big time this whole week. Officially labelled the worst week of 2006. Pardon the crude language. But i am extremely down down DOWN.

I am SO BUSY to the extent that i cant navigate myself already. This is worse than A levels. I havent been seeing my family at all. The moment i return hm, everyone's turned in. 3/4 of the time i am out. Really enjoy the company of my dearies of RHM06-13F and classmates... the mixture of fun, laughter, crankiness and tears we went through these few months are simply intensive. Although the term ends next wk for a whole long 3 months hol BUT from today till next whole wk.. i gotta chiong 4 assignments... omg. its just RETARD-ED alrite. idiot.

My health is showing all the symptoms that i am overly exhausted and stressed out. Irregular sleeping hours, eating disorders, moodswings, relapse of everythg. shitty.

Anyway, the pri.sch gathering at my place last sat was PERFECT... they are part of the reason for who i am today. We had steamboat and crapping sessions. Watched a stupid ghost story which freaked us out half the time only due to the suspense and the sound effects. bleah. Each time we meet, bits of the past will just keep flowing back. I wanna thank u all for staying so late to complete my surveys too. And u guys and my family still remain the pirority in me. Looks like the grass jelly is a hot-fav. hahh. Just make ur order next time u all pop by ya. muackz my loves.

Am quite addicted to Princess Hours. Looks like my frens has got the right recommendation. Its my current fav. out of the korean dramas. It belongs to a teenage kinda romance genre and i am totally 'seduced' and charmed by the actor that plays the crown prince. He may be less gd-looking than the original crown prince who was suppose to take his position.. but theres an aura in his character that i am extremely attracted and mesmerised by. hahh. madness. i know.

haiz. hols are coming. i am gonna miss them. Maybe we should go overseas together. hahh. Yah. we still need to do lots of things together. Should i work? hmm.. gd qns. guess i will rest for 3 weeks and start looking for a job by nov. I dun think i am cut out for admin jobs so maybe i will be some cosmetics promoter or somethg. hahh. or maybe consider being a "door-bitch" at one of the clubs.. which my dad will slaughter me like totally. hahh.

whatever whatever. proper entries soon.

current mood: happiness. shitiness. reduction in emptiness. sick. absolute disappointment. depression.

2006-09-28T09:03:00.000-07:00

I love you, you love me, we are one big family... lalala. haha. okie. trying too hard to be child-like.

anyway.. i have finally managed to dig out some time to do this entry. Omg. trust me. I am a new-aged evolved walking zombie cum superwoman cum multi-tasker. I woke up at 2am lastnite and completed my assignment all the way till sunrise before hopping off to school. And that was the amount of sleep i got for the entire day till now. I should be turning in man. Despite feeling exceptionally fatigue, i am unable to fall asleep. Feeling a lil restless. If you do know fz well.. she gets hyper over small lil things whenever she's exhausted. haha. The main point is... it keeps my brain funtioned. haha.

okie.. all the love talk aside. MOS kinda rox again but i thought the last visit was better. I frequent the place whenever i am free over the wkends and tempted by other kakis who will literally drag me down. haha. But i dun really like the crowd. The drinks taste kinda awful last sat and the guys there... i saw a few familiar faces man. yup.. dun wish to comment though. haha. *zips* i'm invisible.

alrite.. i feel super bad cos i haven't been able to turn up for a few gatherings. i am really sorry man. I promised to make it up yah. hee. i confess that i did somethg silly. I actually wrote down a list of names of the people i haven't had the time to meet so that i wun happen to miss out on anyone. hehe. Anyway, wherever i am and whatever i'm doing.. u guys are still as equally important. So lesser chances of meeting doesn't mean that i have forgotten anyone ah. hehe.

I just realised that it gives me a real sense of satisfaction as a tutor if i can really do miracles and help my kids to improve. haha. I love teaching no matter how tired i am. However, the new student i got is starting to wear off my tolerance level. Without doing homework and even making the effort to communicate in English, how can i help him??!! argh. And with only 4 lessons before his final-year exam, i wished i could perform magic to help him at LEAST PASS for goodness sake. He speaks so softly that i doubt even the ants can hear. bleah. nvm.. anyway, i wun and dun intend to lose my temper. patience! thats what i have to remind myself. I understand that its tough to learn to love somethg when we do not have an interest in it in the first place. chill..

Whereas for my pri.sch kid... i find her really cute and naive. haha. She made a good attempt to describe Esplanade as the durian building for one of the tourist attractions in Singapore in her essay. haha. I nearly laughed my head off man. Besides this, i am really impressed with how independent she can be. At the age of 11, she's able to cook a meal for herself and her tenant. wow... it must be the environment that can toughen up a person. Anyway, under my guidance, i think shes making good progress.. hopefully we can hit the 85 and above target that we initally set together. haha. or rather.. i 'convinced' her to push herself harder and put in more effort. hehe.

Yeah.. and i wanna do some shopping. My list will consist of a long-awaited Guess watch, Addidas jacket, NUM t-shrts, coloured contacts, clothes and more clothes to explode my wardrobe etc. haha. all these branded stuff... gonna burn a big hole in the pocket. Or maybe i can hint hint mummy since Children's Day is coming! haha. gonna exploit this privilege since fz is always a lil gal in the eyes of her parents. muahaha. nah.like whatever. i am defnitely not spoilt. dun get the wrong idea. i'm different now.

i am looking forward to the mooncake festival pri.sch gathering at my place! my babies and besties. woohoo. haha. let's have a big bash together man. hehe. If u guys wanna stay over, it shouldn't be a problem too. haha. simei clan yeah!!!

okie.. i am just ranting and ranting in every entry. I seemed to have lost that intellect or inspiration as i daunt upon past entries where i was able to blog more soulful journals. woo.. guess my mind's just too occupied for me to reflect. Besides that, i gotta admit that i have a v.weak point. And that is i have the tendency to read too much into things. So from now on, i guess i will just take things with a pinch of salt. However, i am only transformed into a deep thinker if it involves myself being emotionally attached. hmmn.. i think i should exercise some self-restrain and sometimes its better to follow my heart than to be manipulated by the mind.

yup yup...

brb. i hope to inject fresher ideas into my entries instead of blatantly blogging about daily happenings. hee. stay tuned. =)

2006-09-17T09:21:00.000-07:00

She has never been so sure of her feelings. yesh. she's gotta admit that she misses him quite a fair bit. Although they will meet in less than 12 hours, but it seems like its impossible for them to walk into each other's life. Only he can make the optimistic gal more pessismistic than ever. hmmn.. guess feelings can't bring anyone far.. only under the right circumstances and mindset then it can lead to anything. All she can do now is to be by his side and wished he was happier. She wished she was transformed into a genie that has the power to read his mind off that easily. There are too many obstacles and emotional barriers for them.. esp. him. It takes time for him to get over death. Its normal n if only he knew that she would always be there... is it mutual? she rather treat it as not. she dun wanna get hurt.
-simply lost-

and yesh.. i met dear lastnite and today. we did our bitching session, n ended up as muggers at our oh-so-fav. nlb. misses dear.. and thks for always being such a wonderful bestie! u will always have me as ur listener too. =)

On fri nite, i went clubbing at whynot. the music was pretty good. the drag was rather hilarious as they were celebrating everyone's bday in the house. No sex equals to wasting ur life away?? haha. damn funny man. And it was an eye-opener to some of my friends. A good chance to prove how SUPER STRAIGHT and intimidated they were. haha. But the ppl there are nice and pretty fun-loving yeah. i was dancing the whole nite thru.. as usual. haha. But i just didn't really let go too much... maybe i have too many tots clogging my mind.

And i have been feeling quite unwell lately. i can be super duper high at one moment and the next minute, fz feels so distracted n sick. all i lack is sleep n rest i think. But i have been sleeping alot already.. guess it must be the irregular hours... heehee.

ok.. back to mugging time. brb for more updates. i am sick of rumours. y am i always an innocent victim of all these shitty crap? there are many other better gals who fit the bill... so can those ppl just let fz off?! bleah. i sincerely appreciate compliments but simple praises doesn't mean that theres more to it right... haiz... childish ppl. lala.

unveiled

2006-09-11T08:31:00.000-07:00

I wear Chanel no.5 to bed. And for photoshoots, i wear the radio. that's all i need.

i killed ya with that look, that arch, that posture, that pout.

lust it. pop it. rite now.

2006-09-10T06:41:00.000-07:00

Woo.. just to relieve my stress, i did manicure and pedicure at Shanghai Dreams. all thanks to ahem~ b1. haha. And i forgot to mentioned that i got my 3rd set of earholes last wk. yup. my dad thinks that its a wild move by me. But this was just a sudden adrenaline rush i wanted. Anyway no regrets yeah. =) love those glittering pretty nails and earholes! call me a vain pot.. i dun give a damn. haha. i look as if i am all ready to get it movin movin! PARTY! yah. let me check my schedule first. haiz.

And i just accepted another tuition kid. I am supposed to teach a sec1. girl English. Well, for good money, its worth the time i guess. haha. Guess what. Although i do always grumble on how busy i am.. it was the first time ever that i felt like a mental breakdown today. Its stretching me to the limits man. Nope. it wasn't an emo breakdown filled with tears or somethg. It was more like my immune system thats "SHOUTING" out loud to fz to take a break. Late nites, tons of social gatherings aka hang outS, assignments, meetings are driving me crazy. No doubt that it's fulfilling cos i am doing the things i like. BUT everything is going at such a fast pace that i dun even have the time to THINK. bleah. i am v.dependent on my planner now adays. Argh. Really forced to be a grown up n i realised that this process had made me stronger and more self-reliant person. u wun believe that the fz who loves company, can really do things on her own now and stuff like that. Good training huh.

.....

=> yup. i prefer ppl who are naturally confident. so pls dun put on a front. Being shy will not bring u anywhere. Living in ambiguity just hurts both parties. But if initiative is taken, i dun even know where i should be heading along this time...

snow white

2006-09-08T07:07:00.000-07:00

The prince planted a passionate kiss on Snow White and they lived happily ever after...

Yesh... i am finally over and done with this play! I hope to take up more intimidating or 'wicked' roles in future instead of just being the VASE to admire at.
*snow white*... yup, she just has to look sweet n vulnerable. -faintz-

And so did he really kiss snow white? was the qns that hovered over Mr.*. Being among one of the audience, he looked away when this last scene was acted out by my group.

Just a simple n casual compliment about the prince(my fellow classmate) from another group that did Cinderella... i just said that he looked charming with the prince-like aura, was already enough to get Mr* so affected for the entire day.

like hello... when rumours speard, *they tried to distant themselves and acted as though nothing was going on as *they masked their emotions. Yet when such situations happen, then he starts to respond and react. a way of spiking huh. i really can't figure out y...

And another funny thg happened... i was nominated for being one of the best actress with only a vote. It was the people's choice award. And i got nominated just for this vote. Of course i didn't vote for myself. haha. i really wonder who it was. There were a total of 5 nominees on the board as my lecturer read the names on each vote aloud. I was really surprised when she mentioned my name. Because to me, i felt that my personal performance wasn't up to standard at all today. owell... i guess i will put in more effort the next time. Especially the graded assignment. haha. i am a realist... am i?

argh. bring it on. spike me.

2006-09-06T07:24:00.000-07:00

I was being STALKED just now!!! my oh my. it nearly scared the shit out of me man. do i have a freaking affinity with bugis or what. I was heading towards the mrt station when one guy just stopped me from nowhere. And he insisted on the idea that i gave him my no. because he wants to befriend me (yada yada... try harder~ the usual cliche pick-up line). The worst thing that irks me is his desperate and persistent attitude. -faintz- and he passed me his number on a piece of paper. i am simply amazed on how prepared he was, in his hunt for a prey man. -pukes-. I just took the paper and ran off quickly. Just to shake him off!! Despite the fact that i repeatedly rejected his 'kind offer', he followed me pretty closely. alrite. luckily i managed to blend quickly into the crowd. To be honest, i really felt intimidated.

* i just realised that i can't tolerate self-centred people too. I didn't realised only after a year plus. haha. it really takes time to unmask a person's true colours huh. -rolls eyes-*

Only darling.A asked if i reached home safely... so sweet. hee.

ok! and here comes a recap on my ckps 6A'99 teacher's day gathering last sat!!! woohoo... as usual, i am gonna get all excited n enthu! i am simply in love with all my childhood friends. I'm really proud that everyone's doing well. And we finally met our Dearest Mrs.Marican again! woo.. had loads of fun at swensens in MSQ and then headed to The Cathay to watch Love Wrecked. Alrite... a bimbotic show, but its really an eye candy la. NOT hard candy. OOps. not that explicit. hehe. I'm so glad that majority of them could make it. They even went to the extents of cancelling other activities for the day just for the gathering! aw... loves my dearies. they are always so important in my life. =) We did loads of bitching as usual. haha. Its a routine la. I will make sure that u guys graduate with a phd in bitching man. ahaha

-bitch mode on-

"omg!! u are in PANTS??!!$^^!#@!"

-bitch mode off-

haha. -meanie fz on the RUN-

And we had new nick names like PARK*2, CATCH*2, SQUEEZE*2 and SHAKE*2. hehe. erm. no indecent tots pls... if u happen to have ur imaginations run wild a little. haha. its alrite. its healthy. -i'm innocent ok- haha

And life's fun and stress as usual. For the sake of three 2000 word essaySss, i have been losing tons of beauty sleep. Only went to bed at 4am in the morning today. Woke up at 8plusa.m to send my drafts to my lecturer. omg. I have a bad intuition. i think i am gonna fall sick real soon. its not that i dun wanna rest or take gd care of myself. BUT it just cant be help. At this point of time, everythg just slams into ur face. DATELINES, RESEARCH n many other interesting bullshit. yup. i love mass com. but its demanding both physically and mentally. u are EXPECTED to act well, be very eloquent, possess a flair in the language, have a good database of movies in ur brain, u have to write well..yada yada. Basically its literally COMMUNICATIONS! yup. i know i am crapping. i feel like a retard now.

Aw... i need a breather. Each time i hang out, it's inevitable for me to feel guilty that i am not spending enough time on my studies, although i know i really am pushing myself real hard already. My dad commented that i am crazy. well done lo~ haha. Can someone pls tell me how can one not go nuts with so many ppl aiming for distinctions?!! Its like a daily topic other than the "spastic exercise" we undergo everyday. haha. bleah. brb. And thanks to everyone for dropping by!! tag tag!! a dozen misses.

And yes.. another set of misses for...yah. But somethg's not as usual anymore. Are things going rite? Sometimes rumours n busybodies just makes thgs so awkward and complex...

i dun wanna care. i dun wanna know anymore. it takes 2 hands to clap. anyway its only been about 2 months. guess it takes time for things to open up. so let it be then.

2006-08-29T00:27:00.000-07:00

i love mass com! Mass com loves ME~ lalala. "bananas... in pyjamas jumping down the stairs, bananas... in pyjamas chasing after bears, bananas.. in pyjamas jumping everywhere... " haha. -spastic mood- our clique's daily song... other than the crazy frog tune. hehe.

woo.. during script writing mod. today, aka "acting class", our lecturer tested EACH of us on our ability to cry and laugh man. We did a one min. thing for each emotion. aw.. surprisingly i didnt make it for the crying part. I tried... but each time the guys tried to say somethg, all of us will break out into laughter. i need the ambience and music!! haha. But i am pretty impressed with a few classmates who managed to focus. woo.. talented huh. Its so weird when my lecturer just said, " ok.. fz, its ur turn to laugh. " -faintz-. haha.

okie... we have gotta complete a script for next week. Apparently our theme this week is to work on fairytales. And guess WHAT? i am chosen to be the Snow White for my group. -_-" -peng-. More like snow brown. haha. ok.. not exceptionally or evenly tan now, but i am gonna do so the min. i am free. wee... hehe

But.. other than lessons, trust me, i am super stressed up now. so sorry if i sound grumpy or put on a black face ah... nothing's wrong, its just tat i am drained of rushing everywhere n having to do so many things everyday. yup yup. will be fine after the next 2 weeks. i promise that the doll's smileSs will be right back in no time, at least more than usual. =) At this rate that its going, i think i am gonna develop 6 packs after all the daily laughter n craziness in class. muahaha. =P

i love new urban male t-shirts. its funny. its suggestive. its provocative. yippee. gonna get them soon. =)

ranDoms~

2006-08-27T02:51:00.000-07:00

She sneezed twice consecutively for a few times today. is she missed? u bet. probably shes thinking of him too. Part of her motivation or rather enthusiasism towards daily lessons in school. hee. =)

yesterday was one of the longest days ever spent. Time just crawled. But it was accompanied with continuous on/off msgs... everything tends to slow down when we haf special feelings i guess.

Anyway i met a weird guy at nlb a few days back. Its a place whereby a gal can least expect to be 'hit on'. bleah. freaky. I was taking care of our laptops while my fren searched for some bks. i sat there n realised that i was being watched from the opposite direction. i felt so awkward alrite. -glurps- After a few moments of staring and an exchange of smiles, he walked over n talked to me. He said, " hey see ya around ok?" -faintz- What am i suppose to respond? "hello stranger?" hahaha. its not as though he lives in the library. =X

okie... teachers day celebration for my DEAREST 6A'99 seems to be coming pretty smoothly. most prob it will be sat afternoon and maybe we can do somethg together after that? hehe. YIPpeE! hopefully it will be a success. Aw... back to organising such gatherings after a long time. Feeling a small sense of accomplishment. Really looking forward to meet all my babes n hunks! haha. i love the enthusiasism from u guys~!

Oh well.. i will be super duper busy next week. I am almost taken everyday after school. bleah. I am so tired!~ alrite, its my fault for squeezing everythg together n not giving myself breathing space. aw... But hopefully things will be better the following wk after next. Assignments gonna be due AGAIN. this sux. i know. like what the *toot*. -trying to be less crude- hhaha.

i wish i could bump into momo now. Or attica or mos.. whatever. haha.

brb. my back hurts like hell.

-i'm a girly girl- haha. wrong. she's a lady in the making.

2006-08-24T09:28:00.000-07:00

Her conscience: She needs to quit trying the moment she realised that situations has been constantly let down. As much as she hates to do so, its time she has to seize this addiction. She was fooled becos of her foolishness.

Or perhaps spending time with a special one proves that she is happier. Happiness is what she wants. who doesn't?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I wanna fish for prawns in that pond, i wanna sit by the beach and watch the sunrise, i wanna return to underwater world, i wanna go to the zoo again, i want u to teach me roller blading, i wanna have a picnic with my classmates(other than our usual yum cha sessions. haha), i want steamboat n kite-flying at marina bay, i want ur raspberry blended tea treat again, i miss sinhoy chicken rice, i miss XO durians, i miss tiramisuS, i wanna feast on my fav. bbq squids, i can't wait to club n sing k-box, i want u to teach me proper bowling, i want to pick up piano skills frm ya, i wanna go kayaking, i need to tan, i look forward to escape theme park... etc.

-random tots...- cos i am crazy. haha. brb for proper entries. Theres so many thgs happening, i just dun know where i shld start from. haha. STRESS~ can someone put a stopper to my amounting pressure b4 i breakdown. HELP!~ argh. -faintz-

i contradict myself half the time.

loves.my.family.frens.